Obedience = Joy = Celebration

I love to have a good time and people who know me know that but never growing up did I think my desire and love to having a good time and making people laugh, living in joy was a discipline. That if I could really work this as a spiritual discipline God can and will be glorified.

The older I get the more that this rings true as well, we lose the innocence of childhood where there was a celebration over finding a penny, making a cool fort or seeing a friend during recess and that pure and unabashed joy in those simple things! As we grow older those sweet things, those sweet tastes of simplicity in celebration become clouded and gray and we become jaded. I was challeneged in reading this again that I need to come with fresh eyes and a fresh heart and that comes from being obedient to Christ and sitting with him and refreshing and renewing myself with him. That pure joy from childhood I can have now, that pure joy is the joy of Christ and that is attainable now! I love to celebrate and I love being joyful. I so often tell my students that idea of discipline = freedom and I think of that here that obedience = joy. As I obey and do all that Christ's calls for my life I will experience joy and not joy that the world knows but Christ's joy! What could be better!

I love the quote on page 195, " The decision to set the mind on higher things of life is an act of will. That is why celebration is a discipline. It is not something that falls on our heads. It is a result of a consciously chosen way of thinking and living. When we choose this way, the healing and redemption in Christ will break into the inner recesses of our lives and relationships and the inevitable result will be joy." That is what I want, I want to set my mind on higher things, I want to make the choice to seek Christ and HIS joy not the joy that the world wants me to have and enjoy Christ's celebration!

Joy makes us strong?

"Celebration brings joy into life, and joy makes us strong."  pg 191

Scripture tells us that the joy of the Lord IS our strength (Neh. 8:10)  IS our strength, IS our strength.  One week into the lent season I have been meditating on this "IS".  IS our strength? What does that mean?  How can the Lords Joy be my strength?  John records Jesus saying in John 15:11 "I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be made full."  Is this another way of Jesus saying, "I told these things to you so that my JOY may be in you and my JOY will make you strong!"
The Lords Joy=strength.  We know that only obedience produces pure joy (Luke 11:27-28) And Jesus is telling us in the John scripture that we cannot produce joy because we are incapable of obedience without His spirit. (John 15) We are but branches that apart from the vine can produce nothing! So here is my final equation.....

Jesus' obedience to the cross = PURE JOY
Jesus gives His Spirit to us = Jesus' obedience to the cross now lives in us.
Submission to His Spirit in us leads us to a cross = His PURE JOY in us.
Natural response = A life of celebration in response to Jesus' obedience to the cross!

Now that is my kind of math!

-Reid
 

Week of Joy

I loved the example shared on page 180 about the reason behind St. Francis's seeking guidance.  "He was seeking a way to open the windows of heaven to reveal the mind of Christ, and he took it as such-to the greater good of all to whom he ministered."  What an awesome encouragement, especially to our specific position in preparation to serving and being a part of God's work on the water this summer.  That our time invested now, alone, learning and growing deeper in an intense love relationship with Jesus is bringing glory to God and serving each barney, driver, trainee, fellow admin, dock hand, marina staff, random people on the water...I love and desperately need the reminder constantly that seeking guidance by the Word, by friends, mentors, and the Holy Spirit is a means of preparation and a active surrender into allowing God's work to be done through me. 

Out of the whole chapter on the discipline of celebration, the idea of obedience = joy has completely overwhelmed my melon.  The past week specifically I have been thinking and praying about freedom and joy.  The concepts of freedom and joy have been on my mind for the past few months specifically and to be honest I had begun to get a little disheartened by my continued struggle and, to me, what it seemed like no progress.  But in the past week alone, with the thought and challenge of practicing celebration on the forefront of my mind, God has prevailed! (As he always does...Thank you Lord that YOU do and I don't!) 

There are no words to fully represent the amount of joy I have experienced in celebrating the good news of the gospel over the past week!  There simply aren't, so I won't try.  All I want you friends to know is that the overall week has been a joy.  A true and honest joy!  Not out of response to the blessings in my life, although I am extremely fortunate and extremely rich in my life, not out of response to the gifts given to me by God, although I do have many, but solely out of the response of who God is.  His character was/is/and will be a reason to celebrate!  I also had the honor of watching and having a hand in a close friend choose to be obedient to a very difficult call on her heart.  The call was to have a very important conversation of truth, love, and righteous encouragement with her brother in a rehab. facility after recently being released from prison.  And friends, the joy she experienced walking away from that difficult conversation was true joy.   Obedience=joy.  Sharing in that moment of joy is something I will never forget.  The impact of withnessing her obedience is something I will not soon forget either.

From obedience comes joy.  "Only one thing will produce genuine joy, and that is obedience." (192)  From the decission to live a life of obedience to God, one may then experience true joy.

 "Joy is found in obedience.  When the power that is in Jesus reaches into our work and play and redeems them, there will be joy where once there was mourning.  To overlook this is to miss the meaning of the incarnation." (193)

Obedience = Joy. JOY. JOY!!!!

I love that Foster chose to end this study of disciplines with celebration.  What a fun way to encompass all the disciplines already studied and challenge them all into practice in my daily life.  Friends it has been such an honor to share in this study with each one of you, I value all of your time, energy, and heart put into this blog.  Thank you for sharing and I am stoked to serve alongside each one of you!

Confession

Team, after my last (and first) post I have been living undisciplined. I have not been keeping up with reading and then today realized that it had been a few weeks since I had picked up this book. The past few weeks have been busy... which destroys me to understand that when things get busy some of my favorite disciplines get set aside. Sorry team for not being active with you all on this blog.

I have been encouraged and challenged by you all over the past few months, and even went back and looked at last years blogs. So encouraged! God is going to do a Mighty Work this summer! I know it.

Reading over the confession chapter scratched at some old wounds and exposed some scars. Good-things from the perspective of looking up at the cross.

"We try to convince ourselves that God forgives only the sin; he does not heal the memory. But deep within our being we know there must be something more. People have told us to take our forgiveness by faith and not call God a liar. Not wanting to call God a liar, we do our best to take it by faith. But because misery and bitterness remain in our lives, we again despair. Eventually we begin to believe either that forgiveness is only a ticket to heaven and not meant to affect our lives now, or that we are not worthy of the forgiving grace of God." (147)

-um Foster did you write this to me?

I appreciate how he immediately follows it up with the next statement "We have not exausted our resources nor God's grace when we have tried private confession."

"A man who confesses his sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other person. As long as i am by myself in the confession of my sins everything remains in the dark, but in the presence of a brother the sin has to be brought into the light." (148)

Looking back over the past few years, God has places specific people in my life at specific times to draw me closer to Him. In the most recent years after praying for these people to be revealed, He did!

" . . . found by asking God to reveal them to us. They are also found by observing people to see who evidences a lively faith in God's power to forgive and exhibits the joy of the Lord in his or her heart. The key qualifications are spiritual maturity, wisdom, compassion, good common sense, the ability to keep a confidence, and a wholesome sense of humor. . . Often ordinary folk who hold no office or title whatever are among the best at receiving confession."(153)

Reading this I'm brought back to response time! Camp councilors, Youth Pastors, Volunteers hearing young peoples hearts poured out in simple response to what He is doing. "By living under the cross we can hear the worst possible things from the best possible people without so much as batting an eyelash. If we live in that reality, we will convey the spirit to others. They will know it is safe to come to us. "(154) THEY SEE JESUS!

When in the midst of confession, I often wonder, "How are we allowed to experience this freedom?" His Body broken and His Blood shed. There is enough blood to cover it all!

Celebrate!

God works in some funny ways.

For the last week or so, I've been baffled over my experience with robotics on Saturday.  For some reason, things were just good.  I couldn't really explain it any other way.  And if you've had the unfortunate privilege  of being on the receiving end of one of my rants the last two months, you know at times it hasn't been so good.

But something was different this Saturday.  The students were kind (for the most part) to each other.  The lead mentor had some nice things to say.  Smiles were in full swing.  High fives all around.

The reason?  The difference?  The change?

Celebration!

"Common joys can be shared without sanctimonious value judgments." (p. 197)

Throughout the build season, many students and mentors had many varying opinions on various ways to accomplish X, Y and Z.  But this Saturday, finally, opinions faded into non-relevancy as the team celebrated success on the field resulting from a hard 6 weeks of working on the project.  This allowed everyone, myself included, to see their teammates as fellow guests at a party rather than enemies on a battlefield. 

"Our spirit can become weary with straining after God just as our body can become weary with overwork.  Celebration helps us relax and enjoy the good things of the earth." (p. 196)

Weary from overwork, our team enjoyed a celebration of the good things this season.

------

In my own heart, I hear God calling me to be interested in seeing the best brought out in others, taking myself far less seriously.  "Another benefit of celebration is its ability to give us perspective.  We can laugh at ourselves.  We come to see that the causes we champion are not nearly so monumental as we would like to believe." (p. 196)

"Far and away the most important benefit of celebration is that it saves us from taking ourselves too seriously" (p. 196)

I pray that the celebration rooted in a joy brought forth out of obedience would not be lost, but sought after and found in relationship with Christ and the way He views those around me, as lost sheep He is romancing to His banqueting table, where the real party is at!

-Mike

One More Post - Cool Celebration Verses

These verses have been celebrating through my skull this week. They are from I Chronicles 16.

Sing to the LORD, all the earth;
proclaim his salvation day after day.

Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous deeds among all peoples.

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
let them say among the nations, “The LORD reigns!”

Let the sea resound, and all that is in it;
let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them!

Let the trees of the forest sing,
let them sing for joy before the LORD,
for he comes to judge the earth.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.

Cry out, “Save us, God our Savior;
gather us and deliver us from the nations,
that we may give thanks to your holy name,
and glory in your praise.”

Then all the people said “Amen” and “Praise the LORD.”

"That your joy may be made FULL..."

These things I have spoken to you that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full, complete, perfect. (John 15:11)

"When the poor receive the good news, when the captives are released, when the blind receive their sight, when the oppressed are liberated, who can withhold the shout of jubilee?" (p. 190)

This quote really cut me deep. I struggle so much with the discipline of celebration. I have so much trouble breaking out of the 'tyranny of the urgent' to focus on what is important and strategic and just celebrate. I try, but lots of times it just feels forced and hollow. And what I already kind of knew - but this quote makes unavoidably clear - is that the reason behind that is a lack of understanding of grace, of mercy, of who He is.

Sometimes I can hear Him say so tenderly - but firmly - "Pearl... Do you even know me?" If I really knew my Father, how could I think half the things I think - things about myself, about others, about God Himself?

In kind of a random way, this part made me think of Psalm 127:
Unless the Lord builds the house, the laborers labor in vein. 
Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vein. 


....Unless God throws the party, the party-goers celebrate in vein. We can't keep propping ourselves up on superficial, forced celebration for the sake of appearances. If our joy is going to be made full, we're going to have to be securely attached to the Source.

God, draw me into a deeper understanding of who you are. Would I know how high, wide, long, and deep your love is that I might be filled up to your fullness.

_________________________________________________________________



"Celebration brings joy into life, and joy makes us strong." (p. 191)

This one hit me like a ton of bricks too because I didn't fully realize until I read this that I'd had the implicit assumption that joy actually makes us weak. I had to think about it for a while, but then I realized that that's probably partly because joy also requires a certain level of vulnerability. This brought me really strongly to the image of John leaning back on Jesus' chest, and how much pure joy he must have felt in that moment. Take heart! Just lean back on me - it's going to be ok. Prop yourself up on me and let that be enough. 


Joy makes us weak [in my flawed thinking] because I don't trust that His strength is stronger than mine. I don't fully believe I'm stronger leaning against Him than standing on my own. But His joy does make us strong. 

"But how are we to do that? [...] The spirit of celebration will not be in us until we have learned to be 'careful for nothing.' And we will never have a carefree indifference to things until we trust God." (p. 195)

Rejoice in the LORD, always. I will say again - rejoice! (Philippians 4:4)

"Far and away the most important benefit of celebration is that it saves us from taking ourselves too seriously. [...] Celebration adds a note of gaiety, festivity, hilarity to our lives." (p. 196)

This week (today, actually) I'm celebrating a full year of freedom from what I'm just going to have to describe as some pretty intense spiritual oppression. In a lot of ways, the enemy is launching a full scale attack, undermining the celebration: What's there to celebrate? Nothing changed. You're still caught in the same rut you've always been. Everyone else is so far beyond you - why can't you just get your act together? 

Luckily, that's where the voice of Truth inserts reality: (It's ok. It's over - the fight's over. None of that matters anymore. All that matters is basking in the light of your Father's face. Be encouraged!) Sometimes it's just harder to hear truth than others, but praise God that He IS the Way, the Truth, and the Life - He not only speaks truth to me but lives truth with me.


So I'm not sure any of that hung together, but it's what He's teaching me. I pray that our joy would be full this week (and always!) because our understanding of His love, His grace, and His nearness would also be full and deep.

I love you, team!

RAH - RAH to Mardi Gras -- CELEBRATION

Dear God,

How celebration works is beyond me. Who “works it” is the testimony of all things – every song, every sunrise, the oak in my front yard, a camper’s confession – EVERYTHING testifies that you SO loved this WORLD that you gave.

Everything testifies that you love this world NOW and GIVE yourself NOW.

Thanks God that creation is sustained by your compassion and sacrifice.

Your victory over the principalities and powers is the sweetest fruit, the stiffest drink, the kindest word, the most stunning view, the most intoxicating kiss.

Your victory is the deepest, ecstatic covenant. It is THE COVENANT.

Bellying up to the bar and tasting your kingdom this side of death is every heart’s obsession.

Toasting your victory over death and Hades and your ongoing victory over my small, self-centered, weak-willed world puts the FAT into FAT Tuesday.

Mardi Gras me into dance.

Mardi Gras me into ecstatic celebration.

Mardi Gras me to a cross where the working of your kingdom wrecks my kingdoms and makes a public spectacle to the principalities and powers that this world is eternally enchanted by the fiery wine of your mercy.

May the celebratory passion of your banquet table be the celebratory impulse of this soul/temple.

May your victorious celebration in and through me be crucifixion of me by the principalities and powers

May the end of me and the beginning of you be a firm, resolute RAH-RAH to your MARDI GRAS in this world.

Rehashing the hash!

Hey guys, i know our time of study has come to an end but i wanted to rehash some hash!  I had some events take place during the weekend that made me revisit the guidance chapter.  Read it through again and was encouraged.

"Spiritual direction takes up the concrete daily experiences of our lives and gives them sacramental significance." - (186)
Every little act becomes a sacred act of worship!  Brushing teeth? Watering flowers? Yes and Yes!

A spiritual director...can absorb the selfishness and mediocrity and apathy around them and transform it!  (186)

If corporate guidance is not handled within the larger context of an all-pervasive GRACE, it degenerates into an effective way to straighten out deviant behavior!  (187)

JINGLE BAM! JINGLE LAMB! Lord have mercy!

Sorry for the rant more or less great reminders for me!

Service Flows Out of Worship!

Hey Team!

I just got to start off by saying sorry for the lack of posting recently. If I'm being completely honest and "exposing the illusion", I have been quite behind on the reading as well. Which really bumms me out, cause there is something special about going through this study together. I have been consistently reading your posts. They have been a deep encouragement to me through the past few weeks, so thank you for your consistency and forgive me for the lack of mine.

In the worship chapter, the phrase that got to me was:

"The divine priority is worship first, service second. Our lives are a punctuated with praise, thanksgiving, and adoration. Service flows out of worship. Service as a substitute for worship is idolatry." (pg. 161).

This was so important to be reminded of. I think its easy to get caught up with serving, serving, serving (playing a role); that we forget that worship must come first (being in relationship with the Lord). Especially being a part of a ministry that operates through service, I can forget that worship comes first. And not only with Sonshine, but with my whole life! Do I choose to kneel in worship first every morning and out of that response go serve my family and community?

I love the phrase "Service FLOWS OUT of worship (sounds a lot like "ministry is a bi-product of relationship with God", huh?)

Love ya guys! Thanks for the posts!

The Spiritual Director

As we're all looking toward serving in a place of leadership this summer, and in many ways even now in the places where we live, I was really convicted by Foster's section on "The Spiritual Director." 

So often I fail at the humility that Foster talks about, especially in the capacity (almost said 'role'... and then I almost said 'position' - it's everywhere!) I'm serving at College Life right now as I meet one-on-one with the bible study leaders. A couple of quotes I loved: 

"In a word, he is only God's usher, and must lead souls in God's way, and not his own." (p. 184)

"A spiritual director must be a person who has developed a comfortable acceptance of himself or herself." (p. 186)

"Spiritual directors must be on the inward journey themselves and be willing to share their own struggles and doubts. There needs to be a realization together that they are learning from Jesus, their ever-present Teacher." (p. 186)

I am SO guilty, SO often of violating all of these. I try to lead people in the direction I think they should go. I lead out of my own insecurity, trying to prop up my self-worth on how I think it's "going." And because of all that insecurity, I feel the need to earn my right to leadership, to paint myself in the right light, so that they won't know how weak and vulnerable I am too. 

Because deep down, I'm afraid that there's been some kind of huge mistake and that I don't deserve to lead at all. Of course, the wonderful miracle is that I don't deserve it, but He chooses to bless me that way anyway, and only asks that I follow Him as the ultimate Director. 

And so now we're back to all the role-identity material we talked about at admin retreat. Am I Delta Ops Cor or am I Kristen Snow? Am I a growth group leader coach or am I a child of God? Is my worth in fleeting external states or enduring internal characteristics? 

I think I'm realizing more and more how much I need to consciously decide (and live by!) my answer to each of those questions on a daily basis. 

Worship - "forms" or "wineskins" - "Potatoe" or "French Fries"

All forms go out the window when we worship in spirit and in truth.  More often than not the Spirit whispers to me that I am worshipping the Lamb while doing the most mundane things.  Mowing the lawn, washing clothes, changing oil, cleaning the shed, changing my sons clothes, making a bed, cooking food, taking a shower.  And then more often than not the Spirit whispers to me on Sunday morning at church, "What are you doing?"

"When Spirit touches spirit the issue of forms is wholly secondary." - 159
"If Jesus is our leader, miracles should be expected to occur in worship." - 165

If Jesus is our leader, Crucifixion should be expected!
If Jesus is our leader, false accusations should be expected! 
If Jesus is our leader, total abandonment of friends and family should be expected!
If Jesus is our leader, being thrown out of church should be expected!
If Jesus is our leader, blind followership should be expected

If Jesus is our leader, slavery to all man kind IS EXPECTED!

"Jesus understands being God not as something to take advantage of, but as taking the form of a bond servant and emptying Himself for others and because He does and because He acts on it to the full extent He is granted the name above every name - the doulos  (slave)is called Kyrios (Lord), the servant is called Yahweh (God), because being Kyrios (Lord) means being doulos (Slave) because being Yahweh (God) means being servant.    If being God does not mean something to take advantage of but emptying Himself,

CAN BEING HUMAN MEAN ANYTHING LESS?"          - Darrell Johnson

Honesty Leads to confession

"Honesty leads to confession and confession leads to change" - 157

I have had the incredible opportunity to facilitate the trainee float experience for the past 6 years.  Every year is a little different but every year has one constant......confession!  I have witnessed the powerful spirit of God at work in the lives of the trainees setting them free through the act of confession. 

"The Discipline of confession brings an end to pretense.  God is calling into being a church that can openly confess its frail humanity and know the forgiving and empowering graces of Christ."

I am reminded to be an authentic IDENTITY!  Be one who embraces integrity while chasing away roles.

- This can happen through confession! 

I am reminded to be a wounded PERFORMANCE! Be one who embraces brokenness while chasing away "perfection".

This can only happen through radical honesty with God, myself, and the world around me.  If Loving God is central and everything flows from there - honesty in confession to God looks like confession to my brothers and sisters in Christ. When I fail to embrace my own brokenness through confession I involuntarily demand everyone around me to change....be more like me! I embrace everyone elses brokenness by controlling them and trying to fix their brokenness so I don't have to deal with mine! 

I am reminded to be in an aware ROLE! Be one who embraces humanness while chasing away self-delusion (misdirected worship).

ALL have sinned and fallen short.....I am one of the ALL!  And everyone I deal with is one of the ALL - but the temptation to remove myself from one of the ALL and judge everyone else is misdirected worship! Confession as a life style rescues and reminds me to be aware! 

I am reminded to be a weak PERSON! Be one who embraces Christ while chasing away personal strength.

Confession returns me to Christ's embrace. 

- "The authentic, wounded, aware, and weak Disciple of Jesus Christ seems to experiences the gospel of Jesus Christ in a full and personal way that is deeply Christian. (Darrell Johnson & Rod Wilson)


-REID

Sweet Quotes from the Guidance Chapter

I loved these quotes from the Guidance Chapter --

I was touched by his teaching on Israel wanting a king and rejecting the prophet. Because of this action of rejecting the prophet for the king he writes, "He (the prophet) was a lonely voice crying in the wilderness." (176) Revelation says that prophecy is the testimony of Jesus. I am convicted that when I sin and want a "king" of my own control and my own sovereignty I reject pure GUIDANCE which is submitting to the testimony of Jesus. When I sin, I send the prophet to the wilderness or worse yet as Christ proclaimed I murder the prophet. I murder the prophet by killing the testimony of Jesus within me by sin. OUCH! Thank you Jesus for the righteousness you reveal in my sin.

"Spiritual direction takes up the concrete daily experiences of our lives and gives them sacramental significance." - (186) This line captures the incredible mystery we step into when we allow "kairos" time - (Christ filling all things with meaning/logos time (John, Ephesians, Revelation, Bible)) to invade our "chronos" time (seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, etc., etc.)

"Scripture must pervade and penetrate our thinking and acting." (188) Another mysterious step into the Word of God invading chronos time. Love it.

Guidance - Liquid Fire for Your Deathly Hallows

FYI - I've never seen or read any Harry Potter stuff so if the title throws you off that's my ignorance.

"All of creation watches expectantly for the springing up of a disciplined, freely gathered, martyr people" - When I read this line I immediately thought of the song by David Crowder "Here is Our King." I know this song is about a massive martyr (probably wrong word here -martyr- sorry* - see footnote) of humanity by creation (approximately 200,000 soon after the tsunami.) I searched google for the story about the song and the fist words in the article written by Mr. Crowder were a quote by St. Francis - "What you are looking for is what is looking."

At the end of the article he writes, "In other words, our king comes to us from the same place springtime does. Whatever the source of spring and newness. He comes from the same place that put this thing in our chests that makes it necessary for us to search for him and the fact that we are compelled to search for him gives a hint as to the goodness of him who we search for."

In summary - Spring is springing in Lodi. Foster is springing with an expectant creation. Crowder is springing up with hope and newness.

Christ is springing up right here, right now in sorrow, frustration, futility, decay, death, judgment. He literally springs forth from an open grave. Seriously, a tomb?!?

A LIVING HOPE.
SPARKLING WINE.
A BANQUET.
AN ENDLESS DANCE OF JOY.
AN ENDLESS SONG OF GRACE.


Romans 8:20 - 21 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that[h] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

So cheers to fiery wine of Christ that enters the deathly hollows of sin, condemnation, death, and decay and burns them away with fiery, white hot mercy.

All creation is groaning, HELP! WE NEED A SAVIOR! Perhaps every morning Christ by the work of the Spirit and the miracle of Pentecost says, READY OR NOT! HERE I COME!

WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS WHAT IS LOOKING!

Footnote - Yeah, maybe the word martyr isn't the best word. Not for me to say one way or the other. Martyr does mean witness. Death is a powerful testimony/witness that we cannot save ourselves. I think God uses massive tragedies to wake us up to that witness. To wake us up to . . . . . HOPE (Romans 8:20-21.) When we exhale this world and inhale the next perhaps we are with highest authenticity forced to relinquish control and declare -- "into your hands I commit my spirit." So again, maybe not the right word. To quote a cultural "GUIDE" for modernity, "no one know what it means. But its provocative." - Ron Burgundy.

Submission, Surrender

This morning a bible study I'm a part of went through submission, and one of the guys mentioned the word "surrender" as almost synonymous with submission, with an emphasis on the finality of surrendering our will to Christ's.

The term "surrender" triggered in my mind the song "Moment of Surrender" by U2.  Check it out:

I tied myself with wire

To let the horses roam free

Playing with the fire

Until the fire played with me

The stone was semi precious

We were barely conscious

Two souls too smart to be

In the realm of certainty

Even on our wedding day

We set ourselves on fire

Oh God, do not deny her

Its not if I believe in love

(But) If love believes in me

Oh believe in me

At the moment of surrender

I folded to my knees

I did not notice the passers by 

And they did not notice me

I’ve been in every black hole

At the alter of the Dark star

My body's now a begging bowl

That's begging to get back

Begging to get back 

To my heart

To the rhythm of my soul

To the rhythm of my consciousness

To the rhythm that yearns

To be released from control

I was punching in the numbers at the ATM machine

I could see in the reflection 

A face staring back at me

At the moment of surrender

Of vision over visibility

I did not notice the passers by

And they did not notice me

I was speeding off the subway

Through the stations of the cross

Every eye looking every other way

Counting down till the pain will stop

At the moment of surrender

Of vision over visibility 

I did not notice the passers by

And they did not notice me

So much good stuff in here!  That one line, right in the middle, about begging to get back to rythme of my heart, my soul, that yearns to be released from control.  It's hitting me hard this morning.  That is part of our rythme for wholeness, to be fully human is to be fully submitted.  In small matters, large matters, public matters and private matters.

And then lastly, "the moment of surrender of vision over visibility" brought me back to I AM #31, I am not moved by what I see.

Set my eyes on Your Kingdom vision and free me from the slavery of control.

Worship Practice

Yep, I am currently playing catch up on last weeks discipline of worship.  However, my day of practicing worship yesterday was so exciting and full of joy, yes that's right, joy-FULL!  After a morning full of dancing out of the response to the blessing of life, I meet a new friend in a science lab class that I had introduced myself to in an earlier lecture.  To make a very long story short, this brave and loving woman (who is curious and wants to know more about Jesus) began sharing her whole life story with me.  How she moved to So. Cal., her relationship with her brother, how her parents both passed away when she was a kid, the questions she has about life, and how God has sequential moved in and out of her life through those major life events she experienced.  Then, in my humility of this stranger ultimately sharing with me very big parts of herself, I felt that my spiritual act of worship was to then suck up my pride, allow my outer image to be crucified, and follow in the foot steps she had just modeled to me by telling her mine.  For the visual image, please image this conversation starting as we stood outside on the grass during an emergency response drill and continuing on as we were riding stationary exercise bikes experimenting with raising our heart beats to complete a lab for my exercise Physiology class.  Boo-BAM!  (or I should say jingle-bam now...)  Jesus is aworkin' and how humbling it is to have a first hand experience in his work.  Overall, my experience with practicing the posture of worship encouraged me through the entirety of my day and gave me a new lens to view the world with more clarity and joy.

Totally jumping back in time to the reading this week, page 169 leveled me by directly connecting me to my passion for dance as a form of praise and worship as well as the idea of worship being "the body, mind, spirit, and emotions should all be laid on the alter."  Honestly, dance is a very foreign concept to many people, and trust me I can totally sympathize as the extreme physicality of the whole art form can freak people out or quite frankly seem offensive.  But Foster has so beautiful put into words what I experience through dancing in the second paragraph.  The old testament idea of the sacrificial system is fresh on my mind as I have been traveling through the first few books of the OT in the past months so I was surprised to hear this concept of worshiping by my life lived out as the sacrificial meat on the alter.  That my worshiping my God, our God, THE GOD, first stems from laying my flesh open, bleeding, cut, slaughtered on the alter before God.  I know that I have heard it so much, but for some reason I had never made the connection between worshiping from this place.  This concept had a significant impact on the way I  practiced worship yesterday.

I am still trying to comprehend Foster's meaning in this phrase on page 172, 'Lord, I don't feel like worshiping you, but I desire to give you this time.  It belongs to you.  I will waste my time for you.'  What gets under my skin is the word waste referred to time spent in worship.  My take on this phrase is the perspective being taken here is from the point of the person not "feeling" like worshiping at that particular point in time, making it then seem like "their own time" being wasted in worship.  Rather than the person truly wasting their time by choosing to worship when they don't feel like it.  Maybe?  Clarity?  Help?  I would love some feedback here so please hit me with your best shot!

I loved spending last weekend with you all, and left the training feeling so encouraged to keep moving toward the summer and excited to be a part of God's plan on the water!  Thank you for opening choosing to serve God with your lives, I feel honored and so blessed by each one of you to know you all.

Sabotaging the Kingdom with . . . . . my QUIET TIME

Scripture urges us to "offer the sarifice of praise to God continually, that is the fruit of our lips, giving htanks to his name. (Heb. 13:15 KJV). The Old Covenant required the sacrifice of bulls and goats (and a lot of birds too interestingly :)). The new covenant requires the sacrifice of praise. Peter tells us that as Christ's new royal priesthood we are to offer "spiritual sacrifices" which means to "declare the wonderful deeds of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." (Note: Declaring praises is just one of many, many amazing priest privileges that Peter inspires us with in 1 Peter 2.) Peter and John left the Sanhedrin with bleeding backs and praising lips (Acts 5:41). Paul and Silas filled the Philippian jail with their songs of praise (Acts 16:25). In each case they were offering the sacrifice of praise. - Foster 168. I was challenged and inspired by this paragraph.

I'm not too prescriptive with worship "how to's" because as Brennan Manning I believe once said, (I paraphrase) it would be easier to catch a hurricane in a shrimp net than to capture and express the furious, passionate love of God." In other words, how do you "how to list" the heaving heart of God? I have no clue.

I DID LOVE THIS piece of advice though -- "Absorb distractions with gratitude." Reading these words brought this to mind:

Christ's cousin, friend, baptizer, and prophet that spoke Christ's own testimony (all prophets speak Christ's testimony) was beheaded. Jesus retreats. His retreat is broken. A fussing, needy crowd invades his quiet time. Jesus embraces them. In His embrace, the only other recorded event in all four gospels besides the resurrection takes place. Passover with broken people (broken bread) becomes Pentecost - an incredible harvest feast.

I'm left considering - is Christ's miracle feeding archetypal? In other words, is there a Pentecost feast waiting to erupt in glory with every broken quiet time?

What if demanding my boundaries and quiet time actually impedes the kingdom?

Confession and Car repair

At CPC we are going through "The Reason for God" by Tim Kellar and today the sermon was on Hyprocrisy, there are so many ways that Foster, Kellar and one of the pastors spoke to me this week.

On page 145 of Foster, " Confession is a difficult Discipline for us because we all too often the believing community as a fellowship fo saints before we see it as a fellowship of sinners. We feel that everyone else has advanced so far into holiness that we are isolated and alone in our sin. We cannot bear to reveal our failures and shortcomings to others. We imagine that we are the only ones who have not stepped onto the high road to heaven. Therefore, we hide ourselves from one anothe and live in veiled lies and hypocrisy."

Page 150, "....freedom begets freedom"

The people pleaser in me wants to hide any failure. As the pastor said today, "Instead of deeply connecting with God we perform for people." I am in that, it is easier to push God away and avoid confession and spin my outside life for others instead of cleaning the inside of my life. This brought me back to one of the first trainee sessions I was a part of where I came to the reality of my life as a plate spinner.

Confession creates relationships. Connecting with others in vulnerability allows Christ to move not only in your own life but your relationships. This is a discipline that I need to work on. I need to remember that the gospel is an invitation to be honest with who I am and the freedom in that becomes contagious.

The analogy was used in church today that Churches need to be more like repair shops than show rooms. All of us need some repair work done and when we give the perception that the church is a show room we are not allowing people the freedom to be who they really are. I am going to try to live more like a repair shop.

A Posture in a Sacred Place

I have truly struggled with how to respond to the discipline of confession this past week.  After reading the chapter days ago, I have been attempting to decide what I wanted to post and share.  The reason I have been struggling with how to respond through a blog post is because the majority of the chapter pierced my heart so deeply and challenged me on such an intimate level that I am still only beginning to process and comprehend the truths stated in the chapter. 

"We do not have to make God willing to forgive.  In fact, it is God who is working to make us willing to seek his forgiveness." (153)  In the past 6 months I have been learning what forgiveness looks like.  As the coarse of my life has been shifting and molding into different and unexpected turns I have been abruptly faced with decisions and events in my past that have placed the concept of forgiveness on the forefront of my time spent with Jesus.  To say "the haunting sorrows and hurts of the past have not been healed" (147) would be only an introductory statement into what I have been discovering.  I have spent an obscene amount of time in St. Alphonsus Liguori's 3 necessary requirements of confession (examination of conscience, sorrow, and a determination to avoid sin).  I will admit the majority of my time has been overwhelmed with sorrow. I believe glorious days in these past months have been wholly consumed by allowing myself the freedom to be "sorrowful in the emotions without a godly sorrow." (152)  Even after spending time in this statement I still struggle with how to wrap my noggin around it.  However, Foster's words (as Pearly mention earlier) have truly given me a shove in the direction of the cross.  "Confession begins in sorrow, but it ends in joy.  There is celebration in the forgiveness of sins because it results in a genuinely changed life." (153) "Honestly leads to confession, and confession leads to change." (157)  "Freedom begets freedom." (150) 

As for the practice of confession this week, I have begun the baby steps.  I will say with confidence and honest joy the process is well underway and yet has so much more to go.  "The bible views salvation as both an event and a process." (145)  As I baby step toward confession and the life altering freedom offered by Christ's sacrificial death as the lamb on the cross for me, I am reminded of Staff Culture Point #7,

"If you are tired and disenchanted you are in a very sacred place.  Christ is pushing you to eat from the tree of life.  He's leading you to the cross.  He's building you up in love.  He's helping you discover that your relationship with Him is not cream puff ideas of how to have a better day but instead an intense love affair that demands your body, heart, mind, and strength."

So in this sacred place full of sorrow contemplating confession and forgiveness I think of the practice of the discipline of confession simply as a posture.  Assuming the posture of falling face first, arms outstretched offering myself at the foot of the cross.  My body dirtied by the dust, blood, fluid, and words of the crowd as God in the flesh washes me white as snow as the Creator of the Universe romances me from the cross.  Returning back to chapter 1, "The disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us." (7)

Continue to break my legs God.  Romance me to the foot of the cross where I may begin to understand the unconditional, inconceivable love you have for me.  Give me strength to continue to fall to my knees placing myself at your will so that you may transform my heart.  Amen.