Study - And I didn't Even See it Coming!

Quotes:
"Note that the central purpose is not doctrinal purity....but inner transformation." Page 69. Yes please.

"When we study a book of the Bible we are seeking to be controlled by the intent of the author." - Page 69. Many times in my own study and in small group studies I find that understanding context, history, and intent of the author helps us appreciate God's unique, climatic, and decisive message.

"We should learn things that control us. We observe our inner feelings and mood swings. What controls our moods? Why do we like certain people and dislike others?" Page 75.

I hold an opinion today that the brilliance, yes, incredible brilliance of this special book is that it pushes a process that leads you to ask and perhaps more importantly experience these questions about moods, people, and your inner life.

When I read this sentence on page 75 about likes, dislikes, and moods I felt (in a very positive sense) that I'd been set up by Foster. For a couple weeks I've been wondering, why am I asking all these questions (now granted I have been on some unusual meds recently but anyways....) and then, when I read them on page 75, last week I smiled because I had to humbly admit, "Oh, I'm not arbitrarily asking these questions, I'm being DIRECTED."

I am left grinning up at heaven and saying, "yep. You did it again. You set me up. You're using Foster and the Blog to accomplish your work. I was on the road with no destination (thanks Bono) and you've been waiting for me to arrive Jesus!. . . .and I didn't even see it coming!"

What Are You Studying?

I have to admit that this week was hard for me in the application of study. Not that I despise study or have no interest in it. In actuality I love it greatly. However, my academic life style for the last few years has been all about study, and I am greatly burned out. I am quiet exhausted and worn down with study. However, I am coming to find that what matters most is not how much you study, but what you are studying.

You see, I study the field of medicine and nursing all the time. Which is great for a test, a career, or even a patient. However, it does not feed my soul. It is studying Jesus, his life, his word, and the promises written in scripture that feeds and transforms my soul. And if I'm honest (and I mean painfully honest) I do not study scripture all that much. Studying other things often gets in the way and unfortunately it is the study of scripture that I need to restore my soul and mind. As Foster wrote, "The mind is renewed by applying it to those things that will transform it" (p.62). There is only one thing that can renew my mind; the Word of God. So knowing this, why do I struggle so much in actually studying it?

Lord, I pray for a desire to study your life giving, soul refreshing, mind transforming scripture. When so many other things scream for my attention I pray that I am reminded of what is most important. May I find that nothing is more important then knowing you. Place a rich desire in my heart for studying the only thing that can transform the very core of me! Renew our minds, restore our hearts, and draw us close to you as we study your holy scriptures. Amen

Pslam 62 - "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken"

-Stef

Study, I'm a fan!

Foster on page 64, "We must once again emphasize that the ingrained habits of thought that are formed will conform to the order of the thing being studied. What we study determines the kind of habits that are formed, which is why Paul urges us to focus on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely and gracious."

It seems logical that as a teacher I would be a proponent of studying. This chapter speaks right to my heart. I tell students all the time that what and how they study can determine success. That as a teacher I am never going to throw something at them that they have never seen or heard before so if they study what we have learned and talked about, they should see success and that can look different for eachs student. I am not in the business of tricking or failure. I am in the business of seeing them grow and learn and becoming confident in the student and young man or woman that they are.

I imagine God saying the same thing to me. "Steph, I am not throwing anything at you that is new or you have never heard of, so spend your time studying with me so that you can grow!" God wants me to become those things that Foster talks about on page 64 "true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and gracious..." the more I study and envelope in those the more those become my life.

Study Produces Joy!

From page 76 - "Study produces joy!" - I wish he would have started with this because study is the single most transformative discipline I have experienced and the end result in my life has been joy! 

"Celebration is central to all life of faith" - trainee float

I have been studying the verse Matt. 23:15 this week (pg 63).  It jumped out at me and I have been seriously studying my life (pg 75) to see if I too like the scribes and Pharisee's am guilty of Jesus's accusation in the verse.  This has been an adventure!  I have made some incredible discoveries - maybe I will share them later!

Page 66- "It soon becomes obvious that study demands humility.... Arrogance and a teachable spirit are mutually exclusive" - That whole paragraph is just awesome and a great butt kicker of a reminder. 

Truth be told almost every word in this chapter is underlined!  I love the discipline of study and i long to grow in the discipline to be more and more in His presence and be transformed. 

-Reid 

God with Us

I was encouraged by a friend over the past couple weeks to really spend some time diving into Jesus as Emmanuel, as God with us, and as kind of an off-shoot of that, I also spent some time exploring the concept of "dwelling" in scripture in general. 

As I was studying Emmanuel this week, I found a new take on this verse: 

"How lovely are Your dwelling places, YHWH of hosts!" (Psalm 84:1)

"And the Word became flesh and dwelled among us, and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth." (John 1:14)

"And I will make a covenant of peace with them; it will be an everlasting covenant with them. And I will place them and multiply them, and I will set my sanctuary in their midst forever. My dwelling place also will be with them; I will be their God, and they will be my people." (Ezekiel 37:26-27)

"For we are the temple of the living God." (2 Cor 6:16)

I never realized that that verse from Psalm 84 is talking about US! I've had it memorized for so long because it got immortalized in "Better Is One Day," but I never really understood it. 

And my favorite part is that we are lovely as His dwelling places, not because we're lovely in and of ourselves, but we are inherently so because He chooses to dwell among us and in us. 

So those are my thoughts for the week. Merry [late] Christmas, all! 

To be Continued

Fasting is a very foreign subject matter to me. Even having read about the spiritual benefits Foster talks about in Celebration of Discipline opened my eyes to an outlet I have never experience or even really thought about in my walk with God. Outside of the small mentions of people fasting throughout the bible I have not spent time thinking deeper beyond the face value of action of not eating. So when Foster stated, "Therefore, in experiences of fasting we are not so much abstaining from food as we are feasting on the word of God. Fasting is feasting!" (55) you can possibly imagine my eyes opening wide in amazement.

My response to this chapter is simply to sit in prayer. Because the discipline of fasting is new to me I want to take the time to seek God's guidance and not simply jump head first into doing-doing-doing! Instead of practicing this discipline just yet, I am sitting with it. Reflecting. And asking for guidance in the when, where, and how questions from my Father who loves me.

Fasting is Feasting!

"Fasting reminds us that we are sustained 'by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'" (p. 55)

I had an incredible experience fasting on Monday.

One my constant struggles with meditation and prayer is listening.  I allow myself to get caught up in whatever else seems more important than communing with my creator and savior.

Monday was different though.  Every time those hunger pangs sprung up, I was reminded and encouraged to find sustenance in the Lord.  I felt every urge to eat replaced with an urge to center my thoughts and actions on God and His purposes.  Externally, Monday didn't look all that different than a normal day, I had QT, ran some errands, and hung out with friends.  But internally, I felt a closeness and focus that was far from ordinary.  I have rarely felt as sustained by the words of the Lord as I did on Monday.  Truly, fasting is feasting!

In the days since then, I've been challenged to continue the constant centering process, even if the hunger stimulus isn't present.  I hope to incorporate fasting as regular discipline in my walk with Him.

-Mike

Fast Food

So I was told by an authority not to fast last week. So I didn't fast. But there was a catch. I was told not to fast in order to prep for a forced fast on Sunday after the Christmas Party. You see, a couple doctors and my wife looked at some weird symptoms I had been manifesting and came to two conclusions. # 1 - My lung is jacked up from pneumonia and is causing abdominal pain. # 2 - My lower intestine has a tumor and is causing pain. Since they couldn't rule out either one they needed to intervene in the more serious threat which was the risk of cancer. So, I couldn't fast last week because of concern for the intestines and then, I had to fast on Sunday as a prep for a colonoscopy (Medieval God Forsaken Medical Procedure :)).
The reading and the not fasting and then subsequent 36 hour fast lead me to a question that we have in the ultra packet -- "What is the meaning that drives your life?"

Steve, what is the meaning that drives your fast? - Answer: To trust a surgeon who is seeking to eliminate the risk of cancer. I gave my life over to a surgeon who wanted me save me from a prison of disease and deliver me to new life.

At this point, if you read, Pearl's post, our experiences on two very different paths lead to the same epiphany. I think we both are acknowledging that we need a savior. The savior is the truth. The truth fills all circumstances with meaning. Thus, Pearl, concludes with “you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”
The meaning behind my fast was “I need a savior from cancer.” I think the meaning behind every fast and every circumstance in anyone’s existence is “I need a savior period.” I think it was GK Chesterson who once said (I paraphrase) “everything that’s anything is Jesus.”

As I sit here I can think of so many fasts that push me to greater trust and deeper intimacy with Christ:
A fast from fear.
A fast from self-possession.
A fast from pride.
A fast from winning.
A fast from recognition.
God help me to fast from those things that trap me in the cancerous, insane prison of “me” and deliver me to self-giving, sacrificial, eternal love for all persons at all costs. Please allow the food of the fast to deepen a hunger for your will and words of love - "you are my beloved."

Finally I felt convicted to have eyes of compassion for those around me who are fasting (experiencing loss.) Some fasts that came to mind are – fast from emotional support - abandonment/death of a loved one. Fast from employment. Fast from contentment. Fast from sleep. Fast from health.

Most of these fasts are fasts that I see in some of the folks in this blog. I am praying for the unique gospel that Christ is writing in and through your fast.

Reversed Thunder

I struggle with the discipline of prayer in similar ways that I struggle with the discipline of meditation.  I lack the desire to put down my busy "life" and be intentional with the Lord.

"If we are still, we learn not only who God is, but how his power operates" (p. 39)

I have little to no idea how God's power, will and glory manifest themselves in the world I find myself in.  I know one thing though, I have a very limited view on the scope and potential of prayer.  There are certain things I will pray for and certain things I will not pray for, out of a cynical heart and a lackluster faith.

One week this past summer, I experienced God's power through prayer in an unexpected way.  It was during program at Westgate, and a barney was sharing their testimony.  Per usual, the wind was kicking up as the barney began sharing. I still don't know how, but I instantly reacted in prayer, petitioning to the Lord to calm the winds while the testimony was happening.  As I sat there, hardly taking in anything the barney said, I was overjoyed as the wind calmed.  I continued in prayer during the whole testimony, and afterwards the wind kicked back up.  I felt God's presence in my heart afresh that evening.

But my fullness soon turned to cynicism as I reflected on the experience.  I told myself that believing God works in ways like those ways is childish and naive.  It's nothing but a coincidence that the wind died down.  But as Archbishop William Temple has experienced, "the coincidences occur much more frequently when he prays." (p. 43)

So how does God's power operate?

I find some insight in the beginning of Revelation 8.

"Another angel, who had a golden censer, came and stood at the altar.  He was given much incense to offer, with the prayers of all God's people, on the golden altar before the throne.  The smoke of the incense, together with the prayers of God's people, went up before God from the angel's hand.  Then the angel took the censer, filled it with the fire from the altar, and hurled it on the earth: and there came peals of thunder, rumblings, flashes of lightening and an earthquake." Revelation 8:3-5

As Eugene Peterson points out "Prayers which had ascended … returned with immense force … as 'reversed thunder.'  Prayer reenters history with incalculable effects." (Reversed Thunder, p. 88)  What a powerful image of how God takes our prayers, cleanses them with incense, combines them with the fire of his spirit, and put them in full force in the world we live in.

"Prayer is God's way of providing man with the dignity of causality." -Blaise Pascal

-Mike

Sidenote: Loving the idea of praying with imagination, picturing the Lord working in people's lives, etc.  It has been a powerful component of my prayers the last few weeks.

Hunger for God

Fasting has been kind of a sticky issue for me because one of my biggest struggles over the past few years has been making an idol out of food. Over time, that's manifested itself in a whole bunch of different ways, but the underlying obsession/fear/sin habit has been pretty constant. One of the things that I was most nervous about last summer and that also scares me most about next summer is that the Ops Cor position asks me to be focused on food all the time. Granted, I know that my true focus should be on my Father and the kingdom work going on at the camp and that the food stuff is just one physical manifestation of that, but even though I 'know' all that - it's easier said than done.

Because of that, fasting is a discipline that I've been reluctant to test out. I'm always afraid that it's either going to make other issues worse or that I'm going to be practicing it from an insincere and divided heart.

But when we went through this chapter a couple of weeks ago with the girls I'm discipling at Davis, I also  decided to read through John Piper's Hunger for God at the same time, and it was so helpful and encouraging. These two lines in particular stuck out to me:

"The issue is not food per se. The issue is anything and everything that is, or can be, a substitute for God [...] Anything can stand in the way of true discipleship - not just evil, not just food, but anything. Nor should it be surprising that the greatest competitors for our devotion and affection for God would be some of His most precious gifts." (16)

"[Fasting] is the faithful enemy of fatal bondage to innocent things." (22)

I needed to hear that because it applies to everything I was/am afraid of. Just like food isn't the real, underlying issue for me - it's all kinds of insecurities and control issues that I put before God - food isn't the real underlying issue behind fasting either - it's putting God before everything else, even things that could otherwise be really great things. This resonates with me so deeply because I've felt these insecurities pull me so far away from intimacy with my Father in the past few years. Not always, obviously, but often enough.

All that to say that tomorrow I'm planning on fasting from solids for the day, and I'm looking forward to just laying all that aside for the purpose of just sitting at peace with my heavenly Father. Looking forward to hearing from you all soon!

You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free... If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.

Encouraged!!

First of all, I just want to say that I was deeply blessed by the time I spent with most of you today. So much so, I had to post tonight. It was just so greatly refreshing to realize the blessing the Lord gives to those who long to serve him and obey him. I spent the day watching all of you; observing who you are, how God created you, witnessing your hearts, and hearing of your growth and lives. I was just deeply encouraged by you all, even through simple observations of how you live small moments of your lives. It often amazes me how different we all can be created, but how God takes us for who we are and uses us. So today I was just humbly reminded of how different God creates us, but how powerful it is when we walk out in the same purpose.

As I was driving home tonight and thinking about all of this, I was reminded of a common phrase that I'd tell Barneys. At the end of summer as the Barnes were leaving, they'd often talk about entering back into the "real world". I would often respond with, "Don't see it as going home to the 'real world'. Living in the 'real world' is simply living a life focused on Christ and His purposes. As long as you live in that way, your always living in the REAL world". When I think of all of you, I think of this. You all live such REAL lives! We can never go wrong when we live for Christ and walk out in his purposes! It was just so encouraging!

It was just so great to be with you all, interviewing and welcoming a new generation in. As well as fellowshiping and worshiping with the past. Again, just so encouraging to look around the room, and see the way God has grown and developed those past staff members. He is just so faithful, and I love that!

Secondly, this includes my post about fasting. Fasting is always a challenge for me. I had actually done away with practicing that discipline in my life for a while now. Not because I didn't believe it should be practiced, but rather I just didn't understand its importance or value. Coming back to it this week was good. A little bit of a struggle, but I found God was walking me through it. What I found encouraging was the verse Reid posted; Psalm 69:10 - "I humbled my soul with fasting". It really got me thinking about the significance and importance of fasting. It provides in opportunity of humbling oneself and reminding oneself of who actually sustains life. And then we are even reminded that the very food we eat comes from God. It diffidently realigns our perspectives. I'm enjoying reading and practicing these disciplines, its even more enjoyable to know you all are doing it as well :0)

Love you all,

-Stef

We've got to pray just to make it today!

It is always amazing to me how quickly I grab hold of my life and tell God, "nah I'm good I got it, thanks though". So when Foster said on page 33, " How often we fashion cloaks of evasion - beam-proof shelters -- in order to elude our Eternal Lover. But when we pray, God slowly and graciously reveals to us our evasive actions and sets us free from them." That so often my desire to not meet God in prayer is in order to "evade" what God may have for me, fearing the unknown only to pray and connect with God and get disarmed of that fear.

A couple of weeks ago we did a prayer and worship night at ROCK where students and staff were encouraged to go to stations to pray and worship in different and specific ways. It was a fresh reminder of how vast God is and how we can connect with him in so many unique ways and allowing ourselves to be open to connecting with God in new and unique ways. Bill spoke on being in relationship with God and said, " Often instead of us looking like Christ we often try to make Christ look like us", we can be guilty at times of desiring to have Christ fit into our lives, and connect with us on our terms and I was struck again by what Foster said on page 37, "I determined to learn to pray so that my experience conformed to the word of Jesus rather than try to make his words conform to my impoverished experience." This is how I desire to pray that in all my prayers I am conforming to be more like Christ and meeting him instead of pulling him to me but it is a movement towards Christ.

I am going to pray just to make it today, wise words from MC Hammer and so true if we get to the basics of it.

The Discipline of .....what for it.....DISCIPLINE!

This post is my attempt of combining prayer and fasting.  First thoughts on prayer.....LISTENING!  I don't care how many times I have read this - that always seems to blow me up.  The discipline of being disciplined to LISTEN has been my journey.  Just this morning on my way to bible study at Panera I purposed in my mind and heart to LISTEN to God while driving the 8 minutes it takes to get to Panera.  Well, twice without me knowing it I turned on the radio in that 8 minute span.  AHHHHH! So weak am I at being disciplined to listen in prayer.  The past week was not so much of a success story of intimate prayer times but a wake up call of how lacking of intimacy my times with the Lord really are!!!

Fasting from food has always been a real easy/fun discipline for me.  Maybe top 3 disciplines that I practice with some regularity.  However.....the past 2 weeks I have been on a steroid medication for an allergic reaction in where I have to eat!  The steroid demands I eat!!! (By the way, so hitting Chipotle on the way down to socal today) anyways.......Fasting from other things besides food has been a new adventure.  My favorite scripture on fasting is easily Psalm 69:10 - "I humbled my soul with fasting" - Anger, bitterness, jealousy, strife, fear - if they are within us will surface during fasting!

Come Lord Jesus come and reveal whatever it is you want to reveal. May I be sustained by every word that proceeds from your mouth and that alone!

-Reid

Slapshot Here We Go!

Since I underlined acres of pages I am simply going to highlight the thoughts and impressions that kept cracking in my head during our week in prayer.

During the week I kept hearing these words of Christ – “I do nothing apart from my father.”

Whether Foster was writing about the activities and results of prayer, or reading about how to pray, or about enlisting the imagination, and shooting off flash prayers, I kept hearing over and over and over again “I do nothing apart from my father.”

I finally looked up the verse so I could actually dwell on the NIV words instead of the words from my clumsy paraphrase. The verse I was paraphrasing to myself is John 5:30 - "By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me." So, I was paraphrasing that verse.

Additionally, I think my mind was doing re-runs of John 5:19 as well where Jesus says, “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed. For just as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, even so the Son gives life to whom he is pleased to give it. Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son." So I was paraphrasing that verse too. (Side note – that verse contains a crazy, deep beyond deep little comment/verse by Jesus by the way ----- MY FATHER JUDGES NOONE??? WHAT?!!??? – Good luck putting this messiah in a box. Wow.) So I was paraphrasing that verse too.

A third scripture (which may seem obvious to you) came to mind. John 15:5 - “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

This verse was a nice tie to the voice in my head – “Steve, in the image of the firstborn of creation, apart from my life, light, truth, body broken, blood shed – you can do nothing.”

Tonight a new scripture which is totally off the grid entered the discussion. Hebrews 10 and 11 with an emphasis on these verses - Hebrews 11:24-26 - By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt,

Hebrews 11:35-38 - Women received back their dead, raised to life again. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were put to death by stoning;[e] they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.

I never really know (sorry) what God is saying but here's where I think He's been leading --

1 - The byproduct of prayer is greater trust of God’s story (and less trust in my puny, predictable Steve made story.)
2 - Greater trust in God’s story is called (almost literally) Faith (which comes by grace – had to get that in.:))
3. – Growth of the seed of faith creates pruning (John 15)
4. Pruning looks a lot like Hebrews 11:35-38.

In summary, I have been reminded that the abiding process/prayer has not placed on me conspicuous sufferings of Christ. In other words, I don’t think the author of Hebrews would conclude that in lieu of the persecutions and mistreatments – the world was not worthy of me.

God is not finished. Clearly. Clearly. CLEEAAARLY.
But what’s the next chapter in the story?

To quote Aslan – “I’ll be telling you all the time.” Oh boy.

To quote Owen Delgado – “Slap shot. Here we go.”

"To pray is to change"

"To pray is to change. Prayer is the central avenue God uses to transform us. If we are unwilling to change, we will abandon prayer as a noticeable characteristic of our lives."

"Many people who emphasize acquiescence and resignation to the way things are as 'the will of God' are actually closer to Epictetus than to Christ. Moses prayed boldly because he believed his prayers could change things, even God's mind. In fact, the Bible stresses so forcefully the openness of our universe that, in an anthropomorphism hard for modern ears, it speaks of God constantly changing his mind in accord with his unchanging love."

I know that when I start to shy away from discipline, prayer is the first thing to go, and it's because of those two reasons. The first is that I know what I'm going to hear if I really let myself sit and be intimate with the LORD and I don't want to hear it, and the second is that I don't really believe that prayer can and will change things. On the surface level, I believe that it works, but my actions reflect my unbelief.

In the midst of this though, there have been a lot of prayer-worthy events going on in my life in the past couple of days, first and foremost being that one of my friends' mom died a few days ago. My friend knows and loves the Lord and her mom did too, but her dad doesn't. This has been a long process over the past couple of months, and I know my friend's faith and the community of faith that surrounds her has been a huge encouragement and example to her dad. We've been praying for healing for her mom for so long, and now that it's over it's hard to walk the balance between knowing that His will is sovereign in the midst of grief while still trusting that prayer can and will change things, especially her dad's heart.

All that being said, my mentor shared this prayer with me a few weeks ago, and it's been so encouraging to me to pray it over a bunch of different situations:

God is
        above all things presiding
        beneath all things sustaining
        outside all things embracing
        inside all things filling

Father, pull me into deeper intimacy with you. Would I not shy away from you and try to hide behind a front of self-sufficiency but come before you in open honesty. Transform my worldview as I start to take on your perspective and not my own. Cure me of my short-sightedness as I commune with you. 


Thank you that you are reigning above all things, that you provide the firm foundation on which we stand, that you are our protection all around us, and that you fill our cup to overflowing. 

Prayer & Grace like Osmosis!

Prayer

"...remember that God always meets us where we are and slowly moves us along into deeper things" (p.35).

"The Bible pray-ers prayed as if their prayers could and would make an objective difference" (p.35). "...we are working with God to determine the outcomes of events" (p. 35).

"I determine to learn to pray so that my experience conformed to the words of Jesus rather than try to make his words conform to my impoverished experience" (p.37).

Looking through this chapter I realize there are just way too many good things. The above are just a small few of the influential words and concepts mentioned. I guess the more and more I read, the more and more I realize how much I don't know. hahaha,......but seriously. Reading the chapter really allowed me to see prayer differently. I became aware of how, honestly superficial my prayers often are. I took sometime on Friday to pray in my car (my favorite prayer spot). I tried to slow down, take my time, draw near, and just get honest. In short, it was an amazing time of prayer. It was an honest time of believing that what I pray has power, and that I am working alongside God, and that I should let God guide me in prayer where he chooses.

All that to say, I am still just an amateur. In fact, as it is said, I will not be graduating from Jesus school. I think its about accepting that and trusting that " God always meets us where we are and slowly moves us along into deeper things" (p.35).


Grace like Osmosis

Lastly, I just wanted to tell you all about this awesome realization I had during that prayer time in the car. At one point in my prayer time I literally prayed, "God, I just feel like there is not enough grace for all that I am and all that I fall short of?" This prayer was out of response from an honest realization of all my fears, insecurities, sins, failings, etc. I prayed this out loud and honestly meant it. Right after I said it, God revealed how silly this statement was.

What was brought to my attention was the song, How he loves us and the line that says, "If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking". I envisioned the deep ocean, and I mean the deepest of the deep. They say that there are parts in the ocean that are as deep as the highest mountain in the world. dang! that's deep! I just pictured myself sinking, like top to bottom submerged in this ocean of grace. There is just too much of it above and too much below.

Then I pictured and now believe that grace is like osmosis. Osmosis is a very sciency word, but it works! Osmosis is this concept that happens in our bodies. It basically means that water can naturally, passively, absorb into cells and tissues that lack it. No energy (ATP for you science geeks) is needed to move it. It naturally absorbs until there is enough water on the inside of the cell, as is on the outside. Now I think grace is much like that.

Grace is like osmosis. I envisioned that I was submerged in this deep, deep ocean of grace. And as I sink, grace just flows naturally into every part of me. As we all sink in grace it surrounds us and begins to absorbs through every inch of us. Grace naturally, passively moves into every cell and every tissue. It does not take our energy to get it there, it naturally moves by God's perfect design, and Christ's loving sacrifice. Grace absorbs until there is just enough grace in us as is surrounding us.

This may seem like a silly analogy, but it has allowed me to realize that Christ has given us abundant grace. There are times when we can feel like fears, sins, pains, or insecurities are too massive for anything to overcome. God had revealed to me that this just simply is not true. There is so much power we do not know of and so much grace we cannot comprehend.

Now, I often look at busy people driving in their cars or walking down the street, and think, "Do they know they are submerged in and surrounded by grace?".

I love you guys!

Stef

Learning to Listen

With the events oft his past week, prayer had and has been very central on my mind. Before even beginning this chapter I was overwhelmed with the need and the want to pray for the community I am in which had experienced major tragedies last week. The girl I mentor witnessed a very grewsome motorcycle accident while riding her bike down a street in Huntington Beach last Tuesday, and then early Wednesday morning a Cal. State Long Beach employee died by a tragic accident on campus. Please include these events into your prayers, all of the people who were involved in both events need God's love and comfort.

That being said, three statements from Foster this past week I believe best describe what I vividly began to learn about prayer.

"...prayer involved a learning process. I was set free to question, to experiment, even to fail, for I knew I was learning." (36) No one graduates from Jesus school people!

"Soren Kierkegaard once observed, 'A man prayer, and at first he thought that prayer was talking. But he became more and more quiet until in the end he realized that prayer is listening.'" (39)

"We do not pray for people as "things, but as "persons" whom we love." (40)

Knowing and having faith that prayer will change the world, that our God is a personal God that listens to me and love me so much that my concerns, worries, and desires (however meaningless they may actually be sometimes) are heard and if prayed in accordance to His will, I am working with God to determine the future. I was praying for the people that I had never met that had witnessed these horrific deaths last week as brothers and sisters out of love and compassion. Genuine love for others and compassion. Prayer became a learning experience for me to learn how to take myself less seriously and express my love for these people hurting, scared, and angry. And the more I prayed the more I realized, as Soren Kierkegaard stated, my original concept of prayer was that I was talking at God. Telling Him my desires and needs as if He didn't know them. But listening...hearing, knowing and obeying God's will as a part of prayer is still blowing my mind. What a fun learning experience! As much as I fight failure and losing control of what I believe I know to be right, what a joy to be free to learn and experience God by shutting myself up!

By the way, I want you all to know how much I value your blog posts. I gain so much new perspective at Foster's words by simply reading how each one of us interprets his words. Thank you for sharing your time and thoughts! Keep them coming!

Slow Your Roll

Perhaps this, too, would be an appropriate title for chapter 2 or perhaps even for this book. "Slow Your Roll" by Richard Foster. It is definitely something I had been needing to do leading up to this reading.

"In meditation we are growing into what Thomas a Kempis calls "a familiar friendship with Jesus." (p. 19) It seems that in those quiet moments with God, we are practicing our Father's presence. Inhaling, exhaling, inhaling, exhaling. He is becoming familiar, recognizable, intimate.

"What happens in meditation is that we create the emotional and spiritual space which allows Christ to construct an inner sanctuary in the heart." (p.20) I remember reading a small book in high school called My Heart, Christ's Home. It wrote of how Christ makes a home, a dwelling place for His Spirit in our hearts. Foster echoes that statement that it is through meditation on Him, on His Word, in His presence, that our hearts become good "hosts." The spirit can dwell.

"Meditation sends us into our ordinary world with greater perspective and balance." (p.22) I often substitute meditation on the Lord for activities that I think will refresh me fully: Sleep, coffee, friends, no work, nature. Yes, these things help refresh to some extent, but it seems that come Monday morning, I am never quite ready to go back into the ordinary world with perspective and balance. Lord, I need You, the Ultimate Battery Charger!

"For to be in the presence of God is to change." (p.24) Yes, please.

"This work [contemplation] involves all of life. It is a twenty-four hour-a-day job. Contemplative prayer is a way of life. "Pray without ceasing..." (p.27) Inhaling and exhaling, inhaling and exhaling. Dear Lord, help me not compartmentalize you during my day so that you only get 10 minutes here or 15 minutes there. Help me to breathe you in, keep you a heavy presence in any time and under every circumstance. Help me to accept the Word of Scripture and ponder it in my heart. Help me to slow my roll. Amen.

Ransacking a Temple to Prepare the Sacrifice

Meditation Dialogue - Week Ending 12/2/2011

Steve – “Hi God. Ummm. Okay. Question - Is this glass half empty or half full? And what philosophical perspective or attitude (optimism - half full, pessimism - half empty) brings glory to your in-breaking? And what’s in the glass? Water, right? Wine? Blood? Dirt? What's in the glass God? I can't tell. It's murky!"

God – “Hey Steve – instead of making the glass half empty or half full today, how about letting the glass stay all still ?”

God – “See the dirty water. Hold still. Stay still. Steady, steady, steady."

Steve – “Okay God, here’s what I observe. As I was still today, the murky water slowly, just about imperceptibly became two substances. I get it. The silt separates from the living water.”

Dear God, Thanks for reminding me of this “dirty water” analogy again in meditation. Yes God, in the stillness I can see (much to my embarrassment) that the the dirt is distinguished from the clean. The death in me today is more clearly contrasted from Your life in me that comes through grace.

Jesus your makhaira (word of truth) in stillness is a heartbreaking weapon of mass destruction. With it you ransack the gates of the walled city of “me.” You don’t cleanse the outer courts with a whip but with a blade that cuts through soul and spirit. As you enter the inner sanctuary and holy of holies you don’t just take a piece of external flesh, but you cut through my most tender, vulnerable place with a circumcision of heart.

Thanks Jesus, prophet-priest-king, for preparing a sacrifice in this temple. Thank you for sifting me with grace. Fill the dark whitewashed catacombs decorated with the idols of performance and role with your flood of wine, life, joy, hope, and absolute refreshment and freedom.

Your sacrifice is a gift offering. Accomplish your gift offering in this spiritual house.

Your sacrifice is a sin offering. Although humbling and painful, I give you thanks for exposing in a fresh way the sin in this dirty temple. You've revealed to me again that the offering that is mine and mine alone is . . . .SIN. I am astounded that you demonstrate your unique brand of love by using my sin to reveal your holy fire.

I confess that my sin selfishly demands the blood and water to flow from the gaping wound in your side.

I demand it. That is sin.
You freely offer it. That is grace.

In your free offering you baptize me into your death (water) and recreate me with life, wine, and love (blood.)

Jesus, in meditation, I testify that your gospel is a story of incredible weaponry. You are perfectly and beautifully and perhaps simultaneously both a weapon of incredible destruction and a weapon of mass creation or for Sonshine’s mission, mass re-creation.

Jesus, I confess, that recreation/re-creation will always push me to a place where your heart in me seeks to die in sacrificial love for my enemies.

Jesus, now is the hour for the Son of Man in me to be glorified. Lord, glorify your name, in me. May our day of preparation be intimate communion as I am soon lifted up and sacrificed.

(It was hard for me to write these last two sentences but it is the gospel, it is truth, and it is God's call. Sorry Lord that when I write your truth I sometimes feel a sense of dread. Your truth reveals fear. Your truth beckons me to put my trust in you over my fear. Your truth speaks over my fear the words "do not let your heart be troubled.")

The Throne and the Cross

Well, the opening sentence of the chapter already had me nailed......"In contemporary society our Adversary majors in three things: noise, hurry, and crowds".

If there was any a week to struggle through quite, reflective, time consuming meditation it was this one! It has been a chaotic week, filled with noise, hurry and crowds. It was ironic, but yet I knew it was profoundly purposeful. God's trying to tell me....slow the heck down..

Ultimately, there was two things Christ revealed to me through meditation. First, I think it brought me back into the realization that He is God, He is everything, He is present, and He is on the throne. I think I can get so easily caught up in whats going on all around me, and I get so easily caught up in my feelings, desires, fears, and deadlines. To be quite honest, I have been so painfully selfish. Me focused and kind of lost in it. My mediation with God, put me back in the right state of mind. Its all about Him! I mean, isn't it He what I live for? And that realization has reminded me that He is on the throne and He is my God! My petty issues and fears mean nothing in light of the realization that He is everything and He holds my life in his hands! Fosters line is so epic, "Meditation is the one thing that can sufficiently redirect our lives so that we can deal with human life successfully" (p. 22). Bam!

Secondly, during my mediation time I kept envisioning this Cross scene. Christ was hanging on the cross, as I was pulling mine up the hill. Once I got to the top, these men were struggling to hold me down so that they could nail me to it. And as I looked up to see Christ's face, he said "Look what I've done for you". As if saying, "Now do it for others". So I swallowed hard, laded down, was nailed to the board and placed at my post. Once hanging there, I looked down to find Christ standing near my feet, and stating "Stef, you must die". He broke my legs and allowed me to die. - (yes, I know this sounds familiar in Sonshine, I'm just being reminded of it again).

This may sound terribly sad. But I think Christ was reminding me of truths once forgotten. I have been living in such a selfish way that I forgot the call on my life. Christ calls me to pick up my cross and follow him no matter how hard it is. To loose my life, and I will find it. I'm called to die to myself for the sake of others. (John 12:24 -"Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds). What have I been doing? Certainly nothing remotely close to that!

Lastly, I just wanted to add that the phrase, "loose your life" has been so big for me. Christ has been calling me to let go for a while now. I try to control life, make plans, and arrange things the way I think is best. But Christ is calling me...calling all of us to loose our lives. Loose the lives we plan and control, and we will find the lives Christ has for us. Lives that will look different, but lives that are profoundly good and right! At this point in my life I'm being reminded, that the life Christ has for me is so much better then anything I can ever construct. Why do I fight it? I'm trying to live this week by loosing my life and letting go...in the hope of finding it.

Much love,
Stef

P.S. I do not think its a coincidence that our next chapter is on Pray, in light of interviews starting!! Remember what our knees are for....

"It's a Way of Life"

"Meditation is not a single act, nor can it be completed in the way one completes the building of a chair. It is a way of life." (32)

Reading through meditation and really thinking about the inward discipline of meditation this week has constantly brought back Foster's words from the introduction constantly streaming though my head, "The disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us." (7) There is no such thing as a "single" act of meditation. Meditation is the "ability to hear God's voice and obey his word." (17) This act of "Christian meditation leads us to the inner wholeness necessary to give ourselves to God Freely." (21)

"And the wonderful thing about such an experience is that the self is quite forgotten. We are no longer worried about how we can make ourselves more at peace, for we are attending to the impartation of peace within our heart. No longer do we laboriously think up ways to act peacefully, for acts of peace spring spontaneously from within." (30)

As I sat and pondered on my own personal thoughts about meditation and what it looks like in my life, I found myself thinking alongside what this quote says quite eloquently. I automatically think, how can I meditate better? What should I do to start this process? How can I find time in my busy schedule to make time for this? My thoughts jump directly to the "doing" side of life. I attempt to meditate by working hard at it and hoping my labors with pay off. Foster's statements on "holy leisure" could almost be considered a forgein language to me. Because this concept of "holy leisure" is a constant struggle in my life (especially right now as I enter 2 weeks of finals and classes ending for the semester) but I am reminded the freedom from this discipline. Not by the hard work I imagine necessary to experience my own personal sanctuary, walking the walk and talking the talk with God. But that "the disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us[me]." (7)

Good luck finding a God who can move and shake like this!!!!

Those were the words spoken to me out of my time on Friday in meditation! Yes they echo the words from a character out of the movie wedding singer but as foster writes, "he speaks our language!" Friday's task in the office was CONTRACTS!! Writing, adjusting, sending, and mailing! Throughout the whole day process I attempted to meditate on the bigness of God! How big He is. I know it sounds funny but it was really exhausting mentally. I thought about every church I was writing a contract for, every person I. That church, every youth leader, every potential camper and so on and so! Our God knows everyone of those people INTIMATELY! To quote Sean and Gus...."WHAT????"
I tried to be quiet, contemplative, listening, focused to hearing Him and really all I heard was, "Good luck finding a God who can move and shake like this!!!!!!"

God revealed to me 2 things.
1. I have a bent to search out other Gods in my life that will bring about instant gratification! Why? Because I don't want to trust THE ONE TRUE GOD.

2. There is nobody and nothing like the living God!

Blessed path of meditation!

Reid

Stop! Collaborate and LISTEN!

"Noise, hurry and crowds." (p. 15)

A pretty accurate description of the "life" I choose to consume myself with on a regular basis.

I don't often practice meditation because I often don't want to hear what God telling me.

"Often meditation will yield insights that are deeply practical, almost mundane." (p. 22)

During my time in meditation this week, I clearly heard God affirming lessons I know He has been teaching me all semester. Normally, I try to drown out these hard-to-swallow lessons through "noise, hurry, and crowds." Meditation, however, forced me out of those vices and into a posture of attentiveness to His voice. Like in Chapter 1, "the path does not produce the change; it only places us where the change can occur." (p. 8) This week's mediation put me where He could change me.

Out of this change, I found the following to be true as well. "Meditation sends us into our ordinary world with greater perspective and balance." (p. 22)

My ever-present Teacher is always teaching me. Stop and Listen. Hear the voice and open the door. Meditate.

-Mike

Boldly enter the presence of God

No matter how many times I have read this book, this chapter speaks profoundly to my walk with Christ, no matter where I am at. It does not matter if I Christ feels a million miles away or if I know He is right next to me, this chapter is the reminder of my movement towards Christ in our relationship. This chapter also brings me back to the question asked during the trainee float, where Jesus asks me, "Steph - how close will you all me to come to you?" Specifically, on page 24 where Foster says,
" That is why meditation is so threatening to us. It boldly calls us to enter into the living presence of God for ourselves. It tells us that God is speaking in the continuous present and wants to address us...All who acknowledge Jesus CHrist as Lord are the universal priesthood of God and as such can enter the Holy of Holies and converse with the living God."

God wants to address us, He wants that time with us, I love that reminder of this chapter, that in my meditation, I am able to not only meet with the living God but he is wanting to address me! That there is nothing I need to do but come to him, and no one he is expecting me to be but me, what freedom that is for me.

It becomes very easy to get into the routine of life and to get going on a busy day and miss out on this intimate time with Christ and to miss out hearing from the living God, I love on page 26 (which I swear Foster must have watched me and wrote this!)
" We must come to see, therefore, how central our whole day is in preparing us for the specific times of meditation. If we are constantly being swept off our feet with frantic activity, we will be unable to be attentive at the moment of inward silence"

The great reminder for the that my time in meditation is only as good as my listening in that time. As I spend time with the living God I also need to be listening to the living God.

Loves Like a Hurricane

I'm pretty sure the crazy wind that's blowing through Davis right now has been all over most of California in the past couple of days. I'm not sure if it's affected you guys, but I've heard there's been some pretty serious damage even down in L.A., and it's definitely crazy here.

So then yesterday, when I went to find a place to practice meditation, I went to one of my favorite places in Davis, which is the top of a parking structure on campus (and since Davis is so flat, it's essentially the tallest thing around for miles and miles).

When I first got there, the wind had died down a bit - still clearly present, but less forceful. So I sat and looked out for a little bit, and thought on the scripture that had been on my mind since my quiet time earlier that morning was Psalm 116:7 - "Be at peace, O my soul, for YHWH has dealt benevolently with you."

I'm here, Abba. I'm listening. 

The wind fit in so well with my meditation on that verse. It was peaceful and calming and felt so intimate, in the sense that it was just "us" up there - me and the wind - and it was everywhere.  I couldn't help but think of Foster's encouragement that "... the aim is to bring this reality into all of life. It is a portable sanctuary that is brought into all we are and do" (20) - the tabernacle of God is among men!

But then the wind started to pick up again. And it was windy. It even occurred to me at one point that I maybe shouldn't be sitting on a ledge six stories up, because I wasn't sure whether I was going to get blown off. And then all I could think of was two things: (1) "Please understand me: I am not speaking of some mushy, giddy, buddy-buddy relationship. All such sentimentality only betrays how little we know, how distant we are from the Lord high and lifted up who is reveal in Scripture" (19), and (2) Loves like a hurricane, I am some tiny little person getting swept away by the wind. 


But then in light of all that, the reality of my same little verse settled in even deeper: "Be at peace, O my soul, for YHWH has dealt benevolently with you."

And then these two lines were on my mind:

"The history of religion is the story of an almost desperate scramble to have a king, a mediator, a priest, a pastor, a go-between. In this way we do not need to go to God ourselves. Such an approach saves us from the need to change, for to be in the presence of God is to change" (24).

"And the wonderful thing about such an experience is that the self is quite forgotten. We are no longer worried about how we can make ourselves more at peace, for we are attending to the impartation of peace within our heats. No longer do we laboriously think up ways to act peacefully, for acts of peace spring spontaneously from within" (30).

I love that our God is SO intimate, all-present, searching, but that He is also SO strong, powerful, mighty. And the miracle of it all is that this God has dealt benevolently with me, and I can find peace in that by being freed from having to think about me. "We are no longer worried about how we can make ourselves more at peace..." because we are no longer worried about ourselves at all. When we're focused on the fullness of His intimacy and at the same time the fullness of His power, how could we not?

Now I'm obviously terrible at actually maintaining this mindset 90% of the time, but God is good, and grace is free! I'm looking forward to hearing about all of your experiences with meditation!

Adding To The Team!!!

Hi Admin!  Just wanted to let you know that Steve and I have added 2 more special people to this Blog study.  Steph Fry and Andy Clayton!!!  Steve has invited Steph and Andy to serve as advisory board members and join the year round leadership team here at Sonshine.  Steph and Andy both excepted the invite!  Steph and Andy have both served the camp faithfully for many years and will continue to do so now in different ways.  One way we are asking them to serve is by pouring themselves into the admin team and staff.  So Andy and Steph, thanks for continuing to allow God to use you here at Sonshine in yet another different way! Now bring on the Blogging!!!!!!!!

-Reid   

Below The Surface!

First allow me to say that starting a community study like such again has captured me with excitement.  I love reading your posts and comments and being encouraged by you at all hours of the day. 

What struck me from our reading was the very first/short paragraph of the first chapter.
"Superficiality is the curse of our age.  The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem.  The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, BUT FOR DEEP PEOPLE."

Does that sound familiar?

"We believe that God is more interested in and people are more impacted by Character and Maturity rather than skill and ability"

Richard Foster wrote those words in 1978 and 33 years later the curse continues to dominate the Christian Church.  I fall victim to this curse when i crack open my Bible and read God's word to become a better Christian that day! Or to gleam some "new truth" I can share with people and look spiritual - all in the name of nobility of course!  But where this curse dominates me is every Sunday morning. I go to worship, sit in the pew, raise my hands, lift up my voice, and judge the worship leader on choice & execution of song.  I then proceed to dissect the sermon- To the Glory of God ...of course!  See where I am going......That behavior is not the answer to a hollow world. 

 The other real convicting part was page 2 - Thomas Merton's words, "But let us be convinced of the FACT that we will never be anything more than beginners, all our life."  Wow such freeing words and piercing words at the same time.  My hope is that I model that attitude and behavior to you all.  That I will always be a beginner.....ALWAYS!

Finally, I was struck by page 10- Foster talks about the need to manage other people and how we can turn the Disciplines into laws.  May we as an Admin team always Befriend, Encourage, MODEL, and Challenge the staff to a deeper and more intimate relationship with Christ rather than trying to manage them into relationship! 

Extremely encouraged right now!!!!

-Reid

Transform.Freedom. Want. Do Your Stuff!

"The disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us." p. 7

"We [I, Jenn] must always remember that the path does not produce the change; it only places us where the change can occur." p. 8

"The needed change withing us is God's word, not ours." p. 6

What freedom in the above statements! We [I] cannot produce the change! Reading this book about spiritual disciplines will not produce an inner change in any of us if we simply go through the tasks of reading the scribbles on the pages and check it off the list. As Darren McWatters [teaching pastor of RockHarbor Church] likes to say, "There is not external solution for an internal problem." Yes, in the process of reading about spiritual discipline and becoming more familiar with them God will transform and shift our lives to line up more with His will. However, "The primary requirement is a longing after God. 'As a hart longs for flowing streams, so longs my soul for thee, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the Living God.' Ps. 42:1,2" p. 2 What a weight lifted off my shoulders! And what a joyous way to enter into this study with you lovely people, but most importantly entering into a great journey of the next 9 months of this life given by grace alongside you all.

Father, I echo St. Teresa of Avila's words (thank you Nina) as we begin this study, "I want to want to know you." Lord, give me the strength to allow you to move and the courage to respond by putting myself in the place where you can do the work. Where you can transform me. Teach me what it means to place myself before you and allow you to do your stuff. Amen.

Transformed

I am very excited to get more into this book and practice the spiritual disciplines! I went through this book a few years ago for a class at school, but I am looking forward to studying the disciplines again and perhaps feeling less pressure because it is not for a class/grade.

On page 7 Foster states, “the disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that He can transform us.” My heart is yearning to become more like Christ and get rid of all this grossness in me. It is not enough to just cover up the gross stuff in my life. I must actually get cleaned out and get rid of it.
This requires a transformation.
Constantly.

This reminds me of Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” God calls us to be transformed, different, changed people.

Sometimes I find myself in a rut in which I hopelessly cry out to God and ask Him why I do not feel changed and why do I still feel so bleh inside? I think this is because I forget to completely lay everything aside and find rest in Him. I get distracted by the many things in my life and so when I am with Him, I am not always willing for Him to dig inside and change this messed up heart around. Therefore, practicing the disciplines gets me excited because if I truly am practicing them, I am hoping my heart can really open up to Him transforming me even more than He already has so far. Foster then explains that the path (following the disciplines) itself does not produce change but it places us where change can occur. This is powerful for me because I often just need to be pushed to a place where transformation can happen.
I cannot be transformed on my own – I need His help.
And I cannot be transformed if I do not let Him.

Many Thoughts

Wow! What a great God! There are so many thoughts floating around my head, and we are only on Chapter 1!

So much of this first chapter goes back to the issue of identity. The big question comes up again and again...Who am I? According to Oprah, your twenties are a time of finding out who you are (making mistakes in college, stretching your wings, sewing the wild oats etc.), and by your thirties, you have learned from your mistakes, gotten those wild days out of your system, and then "voila" you know who you are. Well, phooey. I think I am still finding out who I am in some ways, and, in others, I know exactly who I am. I am still surprised at what I am capable of....gossip, jealousy, impatience, bitterness, being unforgiving, a serpent tongue. In those other ways, however, I am taken back to the "I Am Statements" we have studied. Who am I? I am a child of God, redeemed from the enemy, forgiven, sanctified, created for good works..." Yes, I know exactly who I am.

• "The greatest problems of our time are not technological, for these we handle fairly well. They are not even political or economic, because the difficulties in these areas, glaring as they may be, are largely derivative. The greatest problems are moral and spiritual, and unless we can make some progress in these realms, we may not even survive." (Forward xi)

As the political debates and interviews have been on t.v. the past few weeks, I find myself being quite confused as to who to believe. What is really true? Who is really true? I want to shout out, "Aren't there a few good men/women out there?" The problem, as Foster points out, is not a political one, but a moral and spiritual one. It is who we are that determines what kind of leader, teacher, student, business person, coach, etc. we will be. Oh, how our lives need to be cultivated by the Spirit!

• "We need not be well advanced in matters of theology to practice the Disciplines...The primary requirement is a longing after God." (p.2) Psalm 42:7 "Deep calls to deep."

When I read this sentence and verse, St. Teresa of Avila's words came to me: "Oh God, I don’t love you, I don’t even want to love you, but I want to want to love you!" That is my cry. Lord, I want to want to love you!

• "The life that is pleasing to God is not a series of religious duties. We have only one thing to do, namely, to experience a life of relationship and intimacy with God." (p. 4)

A few weeks ago, Steve, Reid and I were talking about identity and how we, as Christians, can split and fragment grace by "performing" at church and in our Christian lives, instead of just "being". Reid called this, "A Dichotomy of the Grace Paradox". There are times when I wrap up my Christian identity in what I do at church/ministry, with who I am. "I am a Young Adults leader." "I am an usher." "I give the announcements." NO! I am healed by His stripes, daily overcoming evil, an imitator of Jesus.

• "Willpower will never succeed in dealing with the deeply ingrained habits of sin." (p. 5)

There is no way we can "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps" save ourselves, and make ourselves not sin. Sure, we can flee (as Joseph fled from Potiphar's wife) and put ourselves in situations where we won't be tempted, but to rid ourselves of this internal structure by sheer willpower and determination? Impossible. Only God can transform us. Dear Lord, let us provide the right conditions for you to grow the grain! Sow us to the Spirit and get us into the ground.

• "We do no more than receive the gift, yet we know the changes are real. We know they are real because we discover that the spirit of compassion we once found so hard to exhibit is now easy." (p.8)

I remember in the late 90s a few Sonshine staff were in a car making our way back to the docks (we may have even been on DeVries Rd.) and Steve gave a great analogy about growing and (eventually) seeing changes in our journey with Christ. When I read the above passage from the book, it came back to me. I hope it is ok that I am sharing this, Steve! You told us about how you once played an opponent in tennis and the score was very close. Your opponent ended up winning and you both parted ways. For months, you practiced but you felt like you were not getting any better. It was the same old serves, the same old jumps, the same swings. You felt like you were just...."stuck". That is, until you competed against that same opponent months later. You wiped the floor with him! It turns out that while you were practicing those "same old serves" and "same old swings," you were getting better, you were growing.

Although the Foster quote talks about us receiving the gift, we do (as mentioned before) have the ability to provide the right conditions for God to grow the grain. What once we may have found hard to exhibit at one point, is now easy.

Holy Father...in this moment, quiet my heart. Help me to look beyond my own poor attempts at righteousness...to understand the beauty of your holy humility...as you come to walk with me...to live in me. Amen!

Relational Awakening

The following words speak beautifully the power and challenge of relational ministry. I underlined these words in the book and wrote at the end of the paragraph - Relational Ministry.

"If we are full of compassion, it will be revealed; if we are full of bitterness, that also will be revealed." (If we just stepped in dog poo on the front lawn and wiped it in the carpet from our shoes as we type, it will be revealed...... - GOD WHY?)

"It is not that we plan to be this way. We have no intention of exploding with anger or of parading a sticky arrogance, but when we are with people, what we are comes out. Though we may try with all our might to hide these things, we are betrayed by our eyes, our tongue, our chin, our hands, our whole body language. Willpower has no defense against the careless word the unguarded moment."

(Man it smells like sweatty, dog poo in here.)

Aside from the two parentheses this passage came from page 6.

In community/relational ministry/this blog, Christ reveals His good heart and my inadequacy.
In isolation I protect my heart.

In isolation I can fake a life and pretend I am complete and not inadequate.

In community I am embarrassed and do stupid, humbling stuff - (dumb dog!)
In isolation I can be clean and proud and hide the poop and embarrassment.

In community I am crucified on a tree and no longer live.
In isolation I hide from the tree as God walks through His garden and calls, "Steve, where are you?"

In isolation I whisper to my lonely soul -- "I'm lost."

God, thank you for this community. It is your gift to each one of us to be drawn to your cross. Your cross is the core, the power, the root, the absolute infusion of life into community. Thank you for your heart poured out at Calvary in sacrificial love, God.

Your heart poured out has an immeasurable power to snap me out of my delusional dream that its better to be lost than to be found in you and found with your church/community.

The Deep Places

I just want to start this blog with the confession that I care entirely too much about what people think of me. Most of my blog experience last year was consumed in this. I often worried and questioned if what I wrote was acceptable, profound, or important. The pressure that was placed on me, was completely and entirely placed there by myself. I do not wish to continue like that. So I'm starting the blog with an honest confession; I care what you think of me.

Although it is true that I find you all very important, I know that approaching the blog in this way will only lead to a lack of honesty, moments of holding back, and will ultimately create a distance in allowing you to truly know me and grow with me. So in an attempt to cut out the unnecessary, I am committing to blog more honestly, freely and openly. Please hold me to this!

Celebration of Discipline:

In reading this week I think my focus has been drawn to how much I honestly long to know Christ more. I was instantly attracted to read about these lives (classic christian writers) that seemed to know without a doubt the realities, truths and character of God. They lived lives dwelling in the deep things of God. This type of life is so fascinating to me and I desire to live there as well. There is this continued sense that there is a depth that I have not reached, and I am longing for deeper places. My book is filled with underlinings of statements like:

"They experienced Jesus as the defining reality of their lives. They possessed a flaming vision of God that blinded them to all competing loyalties" (p.xiv).

"...soak in the stories of these women and men who were aflame with the fire of divine love..."(p.xiv)

"The Knowledge of the Holy - they know God in ways far beyond anything I had ever experienced" (p.xiv).

"...what I saw was someone thirsting for the things of God" (p.xv).

"...sweet sinking into Deity" (p. xv)

"The classical Disciplines of the spiritual life call us to move beyond surface living into the depths" (p.1).

At the end of reading this week, it left me desiring more in my understanding and relationship with God. This is such a great desire. However, I feel like my current exhaustion, jadedness, and selfish nature pulls me away from fully taking advantage of all God is offering me (very much a battle of flesh and spirit). The deep parts of me long for Christ and his deep places, but other parts long to rebel and stay on the surface.

What is hugely significant for me right now is that tomorrow marks 10 years of my following Christ. Its not something that I remember every year, but this year I have. Tomorrow represents a moment in history when an ordinary 16 year old girl discovered the truth of life & a God of amazing grace and love. Its is greatly significant because it represents a time of complete heart change, life summation, and a desire to know the fullness of God.

That same desire is showing its little head 10 years later through the reading of this book. I am still a ordinary child that is struck by the truth and love of God, and curious to know the fullness of Him. Although I am a completely different person today as I was then, the core of me seems to still be present. A core the desires to dwell in the deep things of God, but is often hindered by herself, the world, and the dark forces at work.

In closing, I am extremely excited to continue to walk through these disciplines with you all. I would hope that this time would be a rich time for us to dwell in the deep places and to be reminded of what God truly means to us. My hope is that "The Disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us" (p.7). Much love for you all!

Blessings,

"Freedom from stifling slavery"

So I already mentioned that I'm really excited to be going through this book with you all, mainly because I feel like it's just popping up way to much all at once to be anything other than a pretty direct hint from my Father.

What I've been realizing as I've been reading this book over the past couple weeks with my Growth Group girls - as well as just in life since summer - is that I absolutely stink at being disciplined. And I know we all know we're flawed and never quite measure up to all our ideals, but I think this realization has been a particularly bitter pill for me to swallow because I've always thought I was exceptionally disciplined. It's something I've always prided myself on (dangerous words) and something I've always been affirmed in.

But I'm NOT at all! In fact, recently, it seems that whatever shred of a disciplined spiritual life I used to cling to is slipping away, and as much as I try to find some stable ground to rest on, I'm just floundering.

The second tough realization that goes along with all this is that the reason I'm so terrible at being disciplined is that everything that was masquerading as discipline before was nothing like the Biblical version of discipline I'm being called to.

Foster talks about "will worship", and this is definitely the trap I fall into. I am worthy only to the extent that I can exert my will and measure up. "But the struggle is in vain, and we find ourselves once again morally bankrupt or, worse yet, so proud of our external righteousness that 'whitened sepulchers' is a mild description of our condition" (5) <- a perfect summary of the discouragement I'm stuck in right now. The kind of "discipline" that I tend towards is either legalistic and stifling or just dull and lifeless.

The purpose of discipline is liberation from the stifling slavery to self-interest and fear (2).

But I am SO self-interested and SO amazingly fearful.

On the one hand I feel so helpless to impose any sort of discipline on my spiritual life (both healthy and unhealthy discipline), and at the same time I feel stranded without this piece of my identity that I'm realizing was never there in the first place.

All this to say... I'm looking forward to walking through the next weeks with you all. I hope Jesus just destroys all my preconceived ideas and whatever pride I have left. I need Him to destroy them.

Let the Teacher do the Teaching

Going into this study, I am super excited to experience many spiritual Disciplines that I have never pursued with much intention before. So before reading today, I thought to myself, “Ok, it’s just the intro this week, nothing major to see here, just setting up the next 12 weeks of when the real stuff happens.” This wasn’t the case.

I made it through most of the chapter at a quick pace. I underlined a few things and gathered a framework from which to approach the next 12 Disciplines, namely “We must always remember that the path does not produce the change; it only places us where the change can occur.” [p. 8]

But the last two pages hit me somewhere I didn’t want to be touched.

Pride continues to be a battle I face in every season of life. When I gain a skill, achievement, depth of relationship, recognition, anything else to feed my self-worth apart from grace, pride is quick to follow. My time in Colorado is no exception.

“Pride takes over because we come to believe we are the right kind of person.” [p. 10] I’ve bought into this lie. I’ve come to believe I’m the right kind of person because of past accomplishments, present works, and future plans. As this attitude takes hold, not only do I believe I’m the “right” kind of person, but I quickly “realize” how many “wrong” kind of people are out there. “Once we have made a law, we have an ‘externalism’ by which we judge who is measuring up and who is not.” [p. 10]

Contrast this with the story of Elisha in 2 Kings 6. The Syrian king is pissed that Elisha keeps prophetically thwarting his plans to ambush the King of Israel, so he sends a massive army to capture Elisha.

“15 When the servant of the man of God rose early in the morning and went out, behold, an army with horses and chariots was all around the city. And the servant said, "Alas, my master! What shall we do?"16 He said, "Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them."17 Then Elisha prayed and said, "O Lord, please open his eyes that he may see." So the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw, and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.” – 2 Kings 6:15-17

From the beginning of this story, Elisha is confident of the Lord’s presence during this trying time. Notice his first reaction is not to rebuke the servant for his inability to believe as Elisha does. First, it is comforting, “Do not be afraid.” Second, Elisha shares his personal confidence in the Lords faithfulness to them, “for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”

This is great, and I could nod my head along with the story up until now all I want. What he does next frustrates and humbles me. “Elisha prayed and said, ‘O Lord, please open his eyes that he may see.’” Elisha recognizes that he is not the be-all, end-all. He does not have the corner on truth. Note that the passage never says Elisha saw the Lord’s horses and chariots of fire, only that the servant saw them. Why?

Because God gives us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.

He gives it. Not me. And He gives it to each one of us individually, purposefully, and more perfectly than we ever could.

“When we genuinely believe that inner transformation is God’s work and not ours, we can put to rest our passion to set others straight.” [p. 10]

I need to let go and let the Teacher do the Teaching, all the while understanding that the person He’s really trying to teach is me. Nobody graduates from Jesus school!

-Mike

Welcome Admin Team!

Here we go again....Another summer is waiting for the in-breaking Kingdom to Come!  My hope is that this study would help us see the Kingdom clearer, taste the Kingdom richer, hear the Kingdom louder, smell the Kingdom sweeter, and touch the Kingdom afresh and anew together. 

"Come Lord Jesus come and do whatever it is you want to do in us and through us...for your Kingdom and for your glory"

-Amen

Reid