Study - And I didn't Even See it Coming!

Quotes:
"Note that the central purpose is not doctrinal purity....but inner transformation." Page 69. Yes please.

"When we study a book of the Bible we are seeking to be controlled by the intent of the author." - Page 69. Many times in my own study and in small group studies I find that understanding context, history, and intent of the author helps us appreciate God's unique, climatic, and decisive message.

"We should learn things that control us. We observe our inner feelings and mood swings. What controls our moods? Why do we like certain people and dislike others?" Page 75.

I hold an opinion today that the brilliance, yes, incredible brilliance of this special book is that it pushes a process that leads you to ask and perhaps more importantly experience these questions about moods, people, and your inner life.

When I read this sentence on page 75 about likes, dislikes, and moods I felt (in a very positive sense) that I'd been set up by Foster. For a couple weeks I've been wondering, why am I asking all these questions (now granted I have been on some unusual meds recently but anyways....) and then, when I read them on page 75, last week I smiled because I had to humbly admit, "Oh, I'm not arbitrarily asking these questions, I'm being DIRECTED."

I am left grinning up at heaven and saying, "yep. You did it again. You set me up. You're using Foster and the Blog to accomplish your work. I was on the road with no destination (thanks Bono) and you've been waiting for me to arrive Jesus!. . . .and I didn't even see it coming!"

What Are You Studying?

I have to admit that this week was hard for me in the application of study. Not that I despise study or have no interest in it. In actuality I love it greatly. However, my academic life style for the last few years has been all about study, and I am greatly burned out. I am quiet exhausted and worn down with study. However, I am coming to find that what matters most is not how much you study, but what you are studying.

You see, I study the field of medicine and nursing all the time. Which is great for a test, a career, or even a patient. However, it does not feed my soul. It is studying Jesus, his life, his word, and the promises written in scripture that feeds and transforms my soul. And if I'm honest (and I mean painfully honest) I do not study scripture all that much. Studying other things often gets in the way and unfortunately it is the study of scripture that I need to restore my soul and mind. As Foster wrote, "The mind is renewed by applying it to those things that will transform it" (p.62). There is only one thing that can renew my mind; the Word of God. So knowing this, why do I struggle so much in actually studying it?

Lord, I pray for a desire to study your life giving, soul refreshing, mind transforming scripture. When so many other things scream for my attention I pray that I am reminded of what is most important. May I find that nothing is more important then knowing you. Place a rich desire in my heart for studying the only thing that can transform the very core of me! Renew our minds, restore our hearts, and draw us close to you as we study your holy scriptures. Amen

Pslam 62 - "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken"

-Stef

Study, I'm a fan!

Foster on page 64, "We must once again emphasize that the ingrained habits of thought that are formed will conform to the order of the thing being studied. What we study determines the kind of habits that are formed, which is why Paul urges us to focus on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely and gracious."

It seems logical that as a teacher I would be a proponent of studying. This chapter speaks right to my heart. I tell students all the time that what and how they study can determine success. That as a teacher I am never going to throw something at them that they have never seen or heard before so if they study what we have learned and talked about, they should see success and that can look different for eachs student. I am not in the business of tricking or failure. I am in the business of seeing them grow and learn and becoming confident in the student and young man or woman that they are.

I imagine God saying the same thing to me. "Steph, I am not throwing anything at you that is new or you have never heard of, so spend your time studying with me so that you can grow!" God wants me to become those things that Foster talks about on page 64 "true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and gracious..." the more I study and envelope in those the more those become my life.

Study Produces Joy!

From page 76 - "Study produces joy!" - I wish he would have started with this because study is the single most transformative discipline I have experienced and the end result in my life has been joy! 

"Celebration is central to all life of faith" - trainee float

I have been studying the verse Matt. 23:15 this week (pg 63).  It jumped out at me and I have been seriously studying my life (pg 75) to see if I too like the scribes and Pharisee's am guilty of Jesus's accusation in the verse.  This has been an adventure!  I have made some incredible discoveries - maybe I will share them later!

Page 66- "It soon becomes obvious that study demands humility.... Arrogance and a teachable spirit are mutually exclusive" - That whole paragraph is just awesome and a great butt kicker of a reminder. 

Truth be told almost every word in this chapter is underlined!  I love the discipline of study and i long to grow in the discipline to be more and more in His presence and be transformed. 

-Reid 

God with Us

I was encouraged by a friend over the past couple weeks to really spend some time diving into Jesus as Emmanuel, as God with us, and as kind of an off-shoot of that, I also spent some time exploring the concept of "dwelling" in scripture in general. 

As I was studying Emmanuel this week, I found a new take on this verse: 

"How lovely are Your dwelling places, YHWH of hosts!" (Psalm 84:1)

"And the Word became flesh and dwelled among us, and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth." (John 1:14)

"And I will make a covenant of peace with them; it will be an everlasting covenant with them. And I will place them and multiply them, and I will set my sanctuary in their midst forever. My dwelling place also will be with them; I will be their God, and they will be my people." (Ezekiel 37:26-27)

"For we are the temple of the living God." (2 Cor 6:16)

I never realized that that verse from Psalm 84 is talking about US! I've had it memorized for so long because it got immortalized in "Better Is One Day," but I never really understood it. 

And my favorite part is that we are lovely as His dwelling places, not because we're lovely in and of ourselves, but we are inherently so because He chooses to dwell among us and in us. 

So those are my thoughts for the week. Merry [late] Christmas, all! 

To be Continued

Fasting is a very foreign subject matter to me. Even having read about the spiritual benefits Foster talks about in Celebration of Discipline opened my eyes to an outlet I have never experience or even really thought about in my walk with God. Outside of the small mentions of people fasting throughout the bible I have not spent time thinking deeper beyond the face value of action of not eating. So when Foster stated, "Therefore, in experiences of fasting we are not so much abstaining from food as we are feasting on the word of God. Fasting is feasting!" (55) you can possibly imagine my eyes opening wide in amazement.

My response to this chapter is simply to sit in prayer. Because the discipline of fasting is new to me I want to take the time to seek God's guidance and not simply jump head first into doing-doing-doing! Instead of practicing this discipline just yet, I am sitting with it. Reflecting. And asking for guidance in the when, where, and how questions from my Father who loves me.

Fasting is Feasting!

"Fasting reminds us that we are sustained 'by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'" (p. 55)

I had an incredible experience fasting on Monday.

One my constant struggles with meditation and prayer is listening.  I allow myself to get caught up in whatever else seems more important than communing with my creator and savior.

Monday was different though.  Every time those hunger pangs sprung up, I was reminded and encouraged to find sustenance in the Lord.  I felt every urge to eat replaced with an urge to center my thoughts and actions on God and His purposes.  Externally, Monday didn't look all that different than a normal day, I had QT, ran some errands, and hung out with friends.  But internally, I felt a closeness and focus that was far from ordinary.  I have rarely felt as sustained by the words of the Lord as I did on Monday.  Truly, fasting is feasting!

In the days since then, I've been challenged to continue the constant centering process, even if the hunger stimulus isn't present.  I hope to incorporate fasting as regular discipline in my walk with Him.

-Mike

Fast Food

So I was told by an authority not to fast last week. So I didn't fast. But there was a catch. I was told not to fast in order to prep for a forced fast on Sunday after the Christmas Party. You see, a couple doctors and my wife looked at some weird symptoms I had been manifesting and came to two conclusions. # 1 - My lung is jacked up from pneumonia and is causing abdominal pain. # 2 - My lower intestine has a tumor and is causing pain. Since they couldn't rule out either one they needed to intervene in the more serious threat which was the risk of cancer. So, I couldn't fast last week because of concern for the intestines and then, I had to fast on Sunday as a prep for a colonoscopy (Medieval God Forsaken Medical Procedure :)).
The reading and the not fasting and then subsequent 36 hour fast lead me to a question that we have in the ultra packet -- "What is the meaning that drives your life?"

Steve, what is the meaning that drives your fast? - Answer: To trust a surgeon who is seeking to eliminate the risk of cancer. I gave my life over to a surgeon who wanted me save me from a prison of disease and deliver me to new life.

At this point, if you read, Pearl's post, our experiences on two very different paths lead to the same epiphany. I think we both are acknowledging that we need a savior. The savior is the truth. The truth fills all circumstances with meaning. Thus, Pearl, concludes with “you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”
The meaning behind my fast was “I need a savior from cancer.” I think the meaning behind every fast and every circumstance in anyone’s existence is “I need a savior period.” I think it was GK Chesterson who once said (I paraphrase) “everything that’s anything is Jesus.”

As I sit here I can think of so many fasts that push me to greater trust and deeper intimacy with Christ:
A fast from fear.
A fast from self-possession.
A fast from pride.
A fast from winning.
A fast from recognition.
God help me to fast from those things that trap me in the cancerous, insane prison of “me” and deliver me to self-giving, sacrificial, eternal love for all persons at all costs. Please allow the food of the fast to deepen a hunger for your will and words of love - "you are my beloved."

Finally I felt convicted to have eyes of compassion for those around me who are fasting (experiencing loss.) Some fasts that came to mind are – fast from emotional support - abandonment/death of a loved one. Fast from employment. Fast from contentment. Fast from sleep. Fast from health.

Most of these fasts are fasts that I see in some of the folks in this blog. I am praying for the unique gospel that Christ is writing in and through your fast.

Reversed Thunder

I struggle with the discipline of prayer in similar ways that I struggle with the discipline of meditation.  I lack the desire to put down my busy "life" and be intentional with the Lord.

"If we are still, we learn not only who God is, but how his power operates" (p. 39)

I have little to no idea how God's power, will and glory manifest themselves in the world I find myself in.  I know one thing though, I have a very limited view on the scope and potential of prayer.  There are certain things I will pray for and certain things I will not pray for, out of a cynical heart and a lackluster faith.

One week this past summer, I experienced God's power through prayer in an unexpected way.  It was during program at Westgate, and a barney was sharing their testimony.  Per usual, the wind was kicking up as the barney began sharing. I still don't know how, but I instantly reacted in prayer, petitioning to the Lord to calm the winds while the testimony was happening.  As I sat there, hardly taking in anything the barney said, I was overjoyed as the wind calmed.  I continued in prayer during the whole testimony, and afterwards the wind kicked back up.  I felt God's presence in my heart afresh that evening.

But my fullness soon turned to cynicism as I reflected on the experience.  I told myself that believing God works in ways like those ways is childish and naive.  It's nothing but a coincidence that the wind died down.  But as Archbishop William Temple has experienced, "the coincidences occur much more frequently when he prays." (p. 43)

So how does God's power operate?

I find some insight in the beginning of Revelation 8.

"Another angel, who had a golden censer, came and stood at the altar.  He was given much incense to offer, with the prayers of all God's people, on the golden altar before the throne.  The smoke of the incense, together with the prayers of God's people, went up before God from the angel's hand.  Then the angel took the censer, filled it with the fire from the altar, and hurled it on the earth: and there came peals of thunder, rumblings, flashes of lightening and an earthquake." Revelation 8:3-5

As Eugene Peterson points out "Prayers which had ascended … returned with immense force … as 'reversed thunder.'  Prayer reenters history with incalculable effects." (Reversed Thunder, p. 88)  What a powerful image of how God takes our prayers, cleanses them with incense, combines them with the fire of his spirit, and put them in full force in the world we live in.

"Prayer is God's way of providing man with the dignity of causality." -Blaise Pascal

-Mike

Sidenote: Loving the idea of praying with imagination, picturing the Lord working in people's lives, etc.  It has been a powerful component of my prayers the last few weeks.

Hunger for God

Fasting has been kind of a sticky issue for me because one of my biggest struggles over the past few years has been making an idol out of food. Over time, that's manifested itself in a whole bunch of different ways, but the underlying obsession/fear/sin habit has been pretty constant. One of the things that I was most nervous about last summer and that also scares me most about next summer is that the Ops Cor position asks me to be focused on food all the time. Granted, I know that my true focus should be on my Father and the kingdom work going on at the camp and that the food stuff is just one physical manifestation of that, but even though I 'know' all that - it's easier said than done.

Because of that, fasting is a discipline that I've been reluctant to test out. I'm always afraid that it's either going to make other issues worse or that I'm going to be practicing it from an insincere and divided heart.

But when we went through this chapter a couple of weeks ago with the girls I'm discipling at Davis, I also  decided to read through John Piper's Hunger for God at the same time, and it was so helpful and encouraging. These two lines in particular stuck out to me:

"The issue is not food per se. The issue is anything and everything that is, or can be, a substitute for God [...] Anything can stand in the way of true discipleship - not just evil, not just food, but anything. Nor should it be surprising that the greatest competitors for our devotion and affection for God would be some of His most precious gifts." (16)

"[Fasting] is the faithful enemy of fatal bondage to innocent things." (22)

I needed to hear that because it applies to everything I was/am afraid of. Just like food isn't the real, underlying issue for me - it's all kinds of insecurities and control issues that I put before God - food isn't the real underlying issue behind fasting either - it's putting God before everything else, even things that could otherwise be really great things. This resonates with me so deeply because I've felt these insecurities pull me so far away from intimacy with my Father in the past few years. Not always, obviously, but often enough.

All that to say that tomorrow I'm planning on fasting from solids for the day, and I'm looking forward to just laying all that aside for the purpose of just sitting at peace with my heavenly Father. Looking forward to hearing from you all soon!

You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free... If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.

Encouraged!!

First of all, I just want to say that I was deeply blessed by the time I spent with most of you today. So much so, I had to post tonight. It was just so greatly refreshing to realize the blessing the Lord gives to those who long to serve him and obey him. I spent the day watching all of you; observing who you are, how God created you, witnessing your hearts, and hearing of your growth and lives. I was just deeply encouraged by you all, even through simple observations of how you live small moments of your lives. It often amazes me how different we all can be created, but how God takes us for who we are and uses us. So today I was just humbly reminded of how different God creates us, but how powerful it is when we walk out in the same purpose.

As I was driving home tonight and thinking about all of this, I was reminded of a common phrase that I'd tell Barneys. At the end of summer as the Barnes were leaving, they'd often talk about entering back into the "real world". I would often respond with, "Don't see it as going home to the 'real world'. Living in the 'real world' is simply living a life focused on Christ and His purposes. As long as you live in that way, your always living in the REAL world". When I think of all of you, I think of this. You all live such REAL lives! We can never go wrong when we live for Christ and walk out in his purposes! It was just so encouraging!

It was just so great to be with you all, interviewing and welcoming a new generation in. As well as fellowshiping and worshiping with the past. Again, just so encouraging to look around the room, and see the way God has grown and developed those past staff members. He is just so faithful, and I love that!

Secondly, this includes my post about fasting. Fasting is always a challenge for me. I had actually done away with practicing that discipline in my life for a while now. Not because I didn't believe it should be practiced, but rather I just didn't understand its importance or value. Coming back to it this week was good. A little bit of a struggle, but I found God was walking me through it. What I found encouraging was the verse Reid posted; Psalm 69:10 - "I humbled my soul with fasting". It really got me thinking about the significance and importance of fasting. It provides in opportunity of humbling oneself and reminding oneself of who actually sustains life. And then we are even reminded that the very food we eat comes from God. It diffidently realigns our perspectives. I'm enjoying reading and practicing these disciplines, its even more enjoyable to know you all are doing it as well :0)

Love you all,

-Stef

We've got to pray just to make it today!

It is always amazing to me how quickly I grab hold of my life and tell God, "nah I'm good I got it, thanks though". So when Foster said on page 33, " How often we fashion cloaks of evasion - beam-proof shelters -- in order to elude our Eternal Lover. But when we pray, God slowly and graciously reveals to us our evasive actions and sets us free from them." That so often my desire to not meet God in prayer is in order to "evade" what God may have for me, fearing the unknown only to pray and connect with God and get disarmed of that fear.

A couple of weeks ago we did a prayer and worship night at ROCK where students and staff were encouraged to go to stations to pray and worship in different and specific ways. It was a fresh reminder of how vast God is and how we can connect with him in so many unique ways and allowing ourselves to be open to connecting with God in new and unique ways. Bill spoke on being in relationship with God and said, " Often instead of us looking like Christ we often try to make Christ look like us", we can be guilty at times of desiring to have Christ fit into our lives, and connect with us on our terms and I was struck again by what Foster said on page 37, "I determined to learn to pray so that my experience conformed to the word of Jesus rather than try to make his words conform to my impoverished experience." This is how I desire to pray that in all my prayers I am conforming to be more like Christ and meeting him instead of pulling him to me but it is a movement towards Christ.

I am going to pray just to make it today, wise words from MC Hammer and so true if we get to the basics of it.

The Discipline of .....what for it.....DISCIPLINE!

This post is my attempt of combining prayer and fasting.  First thoughts on prayer.....LISTENING!  I don't care how many times I have read this - that always seems to blow me up.  The discipline of being disciplined to LISTEN has been my journey.  Just this morning on my way to bible study at Panera I purposed in my mind and heart to LISTEN to God while driving the 8 minutes it takes to get to Panera.  Well, twice without me knowing it I turned on the radio in that 8 minute span.  AHHHHH! So weak am I at being disciplined to listen in prayer.  The past week was not so much of a success story of intimate prayer times but a wake up call of how lacking of intimacy my times with the Lord really are!!!

Fasting from food has always been a real easy/fun discipline for me.  Maybe top 3 disciplines that I practice with some regularity.  However.....the past 2 weeks I have been on a steroid medication for an allergic reaction in where I have to eat!  The steroid demands I eat!!! (By the way, so hitting Chipotle on the way down to socal today) anyways.......Fasting from other things besides food has been a new adventure.  My favorite scripture on fasting is easily Psalm 69:10 - "I humbled my soul with fasting" - Anger, bitterness, jealousy, strife, fear - if they are within us will surface during fasting!

Come Lord Jesus come and reveal whatever it is you want to reveal. May I be sustained by every word that proceeds from your mouth and that alone!

-Reid

Slapshot Here We Go!

Since I underlined acres of pages I am simply going to highlight the thoughts and impressions that kept cracking in my head during our week in prayer.

During the week I kept hearing these words of Christ – “I do nothing apart from my father.”

Whether Foster was writing about the activities and results of prayer, or reading about how to pray, or about enlisting the imagination, and shooting off flash prayers, I kept hearing over and over and over again “I do nothing apart from my father.”

I finally looked up the verse so I could actually dwell on the NIV words instead of the words from my clumsy paraphrase. The verse I was paraphrasing to myself is John 5:30 - "By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me." So, I was paraphrasing that verse.

Additionally, I think my mind was doing re-runs of John 5:19 as well where Jesus says, “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed. For just as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, even so the Son gives life to whom he is pleased to give it. Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son." So I was paraphrasing that verse too. (Side note – that verse contains a crazy, deep beyond deep little comment/verse by Jesus by the way ----- MY FATHER JUDGES NOONE??? WHAT?!!??? – Good luck putting this messiah in a box. Wow.) So I was paraphrasing that verse too.

A third scripture (which may seem obvious to you) came to mind. John 15:5 - “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

This verse was a nice tie to the voice in my head – “Steve, in the image of the firstborn of creation, apart from my life, light, truth, body broken, blood shed – you can do nothing.”

Tonight a new scripture which is totally off the grid entered the discussion. Hebrews 10 and 11 with an emphasis on these verses - Hebrews 11:24-26 - By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt,

Hebrews 11:35-38 - Women received back their dead, raised to life again. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were put to death by stoning;[e] they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.

I never really know (sorry) what God is saying but here's where I think He's been leading --

1 - The byproduct of prayer is greater trust of God’s story (and less trust in my puny, predictable Steve made story.)
2 - Greater trust in God’s story is called (almost literally) Faith (which comes by grace – had to get that in.:))
3. – Growth of the seed of faith creates pruning (John 15)
4. Pruning looks a lot like Hebrews 11:35-38.

In summary, I have been reminded that the abiding process/prayer has not placed on me conspicuous sufferings of Christ. In other words, I don’t think the author of Hebrews would conclude that in lieu of the persecutions and mistreatments – the world was not worthy of me.

God is not finished. Clearly. Clearly. CLEEAAARLY.
But what’s the next chapter in the story?

To quote Aslan – “I’ll be telling you all the time.” Oh boy.

To quote Owen Delgado – “Slap shot. Here we go.”

"To pray is to change"

"To pray is to change. Prayer is the central avenue God uses to transform us. If we are unwilling to change, we will abandon prayer as a noticeable characteristic of our lives."

"Many people who emphasize acquiescence and resignation to the way things are as 'the will of God' are actually closer to Epictetus than to Christ. Moses prayed boldly because he believed his prayers could change things, even God's mind. In fact, the Bible stresses so forcefully the openness of our universe that, in an anthropomorphism hard for modern ears, it speaks of God constantly changing his mind in accord with his unchanging love."

I know that when I start to shy away from discipline, prayer is the first thing to go, and it's because of those two reasons. The first is that I know what I'm going to hear if I really let myself sit and be intimate with the LORD and I don't want to hear it, and the second is that I don't really believe that prayer can and will change things. On the surface level, I believe that it works, but my actions reflect my unbelief.

In the midst of this though, there have been a lot of prayer-worthy events going on in my life in the past couple of days, first and foremost being that one of my friends' mom died a few days ago. My friend knows and loves the Lord and her mom did too, but her dad doesn't. This has been a long process over the past couple of months, and I know my friend's faith and the community of faith that surrounds her has been a huge encouragement and example to her dad. We've been praying for healing for her mom for so long, and now that it's over it's hard to walk the balance between knowing that His will is sovereign in the midst of grief while still trusting that prayer can and will change things, especially her dad's heart.

All that being said, my mentor shared this prayer with me a few weeks ago, and it's been so encouraging to me to pray it over a bunch of different situations:

God is
        above all things presiding
        beneath all things sustaining
        outside all things embracing
        inside all things filling

Father, pull me into deeper intimacy with you. Would I not shy away from you and try to hide behind a front of self-sufficiency but come before you in open honesty. Transform my worldview as I start to take on your perspective and not my own. Cure me of my short-sightedness as I commune with you. 


Thank you that you are reigning above all things, that you provide the firm foundation on which we stand, that you are our protection all around us, and that you fill our cup to overflowing. 

Prayer & Grace like Osmosis!

Prayer

"...remember that God always meets us where we are and slowly moves us along into deeper things" (p.35).

"The Bible pray-ers prayed as if their prayers could and would make an objective difference" (p.35). "...we are working with God to determine the outcomes of events" (p. 35).

"I determine to learn to pray so that my experience conformed to the words of Jesus rather than try to make his words conform to my impoverished experience" (p.37).

Looking through this chapter I realize there are just way too many good things. The above are just a small few of the influential words and concepts mentioned. I guess the more and more I read, the more and more I realize how much I don't know. hahaha,......but seriously. Reading the chapter really allowed me to see prayer differently. I became aware of how, honestly superficial my prayers often are. I took sometime on Friday to pray in my car (my favorite prayer spot). I tried to slow down, take my time, draw near, and just get honest. In short, it was an amazing time of prayer. It was an honest time of believing that what I pray has power, and that I am working alongside God, and that I should let God guide me in prayer where he chooses.

All that to say, I am still just an amateur. In fact, as it is said, I will not be graduating from Jesus school. I think its about accepting that and trusting that " God always meets us where we are and slowly moves us along into deeper things" (p.35).


Grace like Osmosis

Lastly, I just wanted to tell you all about this awesome realization I had during that prayer time in the car. At one point in my prayer time I literally prayed, "God, I just feel like there is not enough grace for all that I am and all that I fall short of?" This prayer was out of response from an honest realization of all my fears, insecurities, sins, failings, etc. I prayed this out loud and honestly meant it. Right after I said it, God revealed how silly this statement was.

What was brought to my attention was the song, How he loves us and the line that says, "If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking". I envisioned the deep ocean, and I mean the deepest of the deep. They say that there are parts in the ocean that are as deep as the highest mountain in the world. dang! that's deep! I just pictured myself sinking, like top to bottom submerged in this ocean of grace. There is just too much of it above and too much below.

Then I pictured and now believe that grace is like osmosis. Osmosis is a very sciency word, but it works! Osmosis is this concept that happens in our bodies. It basically means that water can naturally, passively, absorb into cells and tissues that lack it. No energy (ATP for you science geeks) is needed to move it. It naturally absorbs until there is enough water on the inside of the cell, as is on the outside. Now I think grace is much like that.

Grace is like osmosis. I envisioned that I was submerged in this deep, deep ocean of grace. And as I sink, grace just flows naturally into every part of me. As we all sink in grace it surrounds us and begins to absorbs through every inch of us. Grace naturally, passively moves into every cell and every tissue. It does not take our energy to get it there, it naturally moves by God's perfect design, and Christ's loving sacrifice. Grace absorbs until there is just enough grace in us as is surrounding us.

This may seem like a silly analogy, but it has allowed me to realize that Christ has given us abundant grace. There are times when we can feel like fears, sins, pains, or insecurities are too massive for anything to overcome. God had revealed to me that this just simply is not true. There is so much power we do not know of and so much grace we cannot comprehend.

Now, I often look at busy people driving in their cars or walking down the street, and think, "Do they know they are submerged in and surrounded by grace?".

I love you guys!

Stef

Learning to Listen

With the events oft his past week, prayer had and has been very central on my mind. Before even beginning this chapter I was overwhelmed with the need and the want to pray for the community I am in which had experienced major tragedies last week. The girl I mentor witnessed a very grewsome motorcycle accident while riding her bike down a street in Huntington Beach last Tuesday, and then early Wednesday morning a Cal. State Long Beach employee died by a tragic accident on campus. Please include these events into your prayers, all of the people who were involved in both events need God's love and comfort.

That being said, three statements from Foster this past week I believe best describe what I vividly began to learn about prayer.

"...prayer involved a learning process. I was set free to question, to experiment, even to fail, for I knew I was learning." (36) No one graduates from Jesus school people!

"Soren Kierkegaard once observed, 'A man prayer, and at first he thought that prayer was talking. But he became more and more quiet until in the end he realized that prayer is listening.'" (39)

"We do not pray for people as "things, but as "persons" whom we love." (40)

Knowing and having faith that prayer will change the world, that our God is a personal God that listens to me and love me so much that my concerns, worries, and desires (however meaningless they may actually be sometimes) are heard and if prayed in accordance to His will, I am working with God to determine the future. I was praying for the people that I had never met that had witnessed these horrific deaths last week as brothers and sisters out of love and compassion. Genuine love for others and compassion. Prayer became a learning experience for me to learn how to take myself less seriously and express my love for these people hurting, scared, and angry. And the more I prayed the more I realized, as Soren Kierkegaard stated, my original concept of prayer was that I was talking at God. Telling Him my desires and needs as if He didn't know them. But listening...hearing, knowing and obeying God's will as a part of prayer is still blowing my mind. What a fun learning experience! As much as I fight failure and losing control of what I believe I know to be right, what a joy to be free to learn and experience God by shutting myself up!

By the way, I want you all to know how much I value your blog posts. I gain so much new perspective at Foster's words by simply reading how each one of us interprets his words. Thank you for sharing your time and thoughts! Keep them coming!

Slow Your Roll

Perhaps this, too, would be an appropriate title for chapter 2 or perhaps even for this book. "Slow Your Roll" by Richard Foster. It is definitely something I had been needing to do leading up to this reading.

"In meditation we are growing into what Thomas a Kempis calls "a familiar friendship with Jesus." (p. 19) It seems that in those quiet moments with God, we are practicing our Father's presence. Inhaling, exhaling, inhaling, exhaling. He is becoming familiar, recognizable, intimate.

"What happens in meditation is that we create the emotional and spiritual space which allows Christ to construct an inner sanctuary in the heart." (p.20) I remember reading a small book in high school called My Heart, Christ's Home. It wrote of how Christ makes a home, a dwelling place for His Spirit in our hearts. Foster echoes that statement that it is through meditation on Him, on His Word, in His presence, that our hearts become good "hosts." The spirit can dwell.

"Meditation sends us into our ordinary world with greater perspective and balance." (p.22) I often substitute meditation on the Lord for activities that I think will refresh me fully: Sleep, coffee, friends, no work, nature. Yes, these things help refresh to some extent, but it seems that come Monday morning, I am never quite ready to go back into the ordinary world with perspective and balance. Lord, I need You, the Ultimate Battery Charger!

"For to be in the presence of God is to change." (p.24) Yes, please.

"This work [contemplation] involves all of life. It is a twenty-four hour-a-day job. Contemplative prayer is a way of life. "Pray without ceasing..." (p.27) Inhaling and exhaling, inhaling and exhaling. Dear Lord, help me not compartmentalize you during my day so that you only get 10 minutes here or 15 minutes there. Help me to breathe you in, keep you a heavy presence in any time and under every circumstance. Help me to accept the Word of Scripture and ponder it in my heart. Help me to slow my roll. Amen.

Ransacking a Temple to Prepare the Sacrifice

Meditation Dialogue - Week Ending 12/2/2011

Steve – “Hi God. Ummm. Okay. Question - Is this glass half empty or half full? And what philosophical perspective or attitude (optimism - half full, pessimism - half empty) brings glory to your in-breaking? And what’s in the glass? Water, right? Wine? Blood? Dirt? What's in the glass God? I can't tell. It's murky!"

God – “Hey Steve – instead of making the glass half empty or half full today, how about letting the glass stay all still ?”

God – “See the dirty water. Hold still. Stay still. Steady, steady, steady."

Steve – “Okay God, here’s what I observe. As I was still today, the murky water slowly, just about imperceptibly became two substances. I get it. The silt separates from the living water.”

Dear God, Thanks for reminding me of this “dirty water” analogy again in meditation. Yes God, in the stillness I can see (much to my embarrassment) that the the dirt is distinguished from the clean. The death in me today is more clearly contrasted from Your life in me that comes through grace.

Jesus your makhaira (word of truth) in stillness is a heartbreaking weapon of mass destruction. With it you ransack the gates of the walled city of “me.” You don’t cleanse the outer courts with a whip but with a blade that cuts through soul and spirit. As you enter the inner sanctuary and holy of holies you don’t just take a piece of external flesh, but you cut through my most tender, vulnerable place with a circumcision of heart.

Thanks Jesus, prophet-priest-king, for preparing a sacrifice in this temple. Thank you for sifting me with grace. Fill the dark whitewashed catacombs decorated with the idols of performance and role with your flood of wine, life, joy, hope, and absolute refreshment and freedom.

Your sacrifice is a gift offering. Accomplish your gift offering in this spiritual house.

Your sacrifice is a sin offering. Although humbling and painful, I give you thanks for exposing in a fresh way the sin in this dirty temple. You've revealed to me again that the offering that is mine and mine alone is . . . .SIN. I am astounded that you demonstrate your unique brand of love by using my sin to reveal your holy fire.

I confess that my sin selfishly demands the blood and water to flow from the gaping wound in your side.

I demand it. That is sin.
You freely offer it. That is grace.

In your free offering you baptize me into your death (water) and recreate me with life, wine, and love (blood.)

Jesus, in meditation, I testify that your gospel is a story of incredible weaponry. You are perfectly and beautifully and perhaps simultaneously both a weapon of incredible destruction and a weapon of mass creation or for Sonshine’s mission, mass re-creation.

Jesus, I confess, that recreation/re-creation will always push me to a place where your heart in me seeks to die in sacrificial love for my enemies.

Jesus, now is the hour for the Son of Man in me to be glorified. Lord, glorify your name, in me. May our day of preparation be intimate communion as I am soon lifted up and sacrificed.

(It was hard for me to write these last two sentences but it is the gospel, it is truth, and it is God's call. Sorry Lord that when I write your truth I sometimes feel a sense of dread. Your truth reveals fear. Your truth beckons me to put my trust in you over my fear. Your truth speaks over my fear the words "do not let your heart be troubled.")

The Throne and the Cross

Well, the opening sentence of the chapter already had me nailed......"In contemporary society our Adversary majors in three things: noise, hurry, and crowds".

If there was any a week to struggle through quite, reflective, time consuming meditation it was this one! It has been a chaotic week, filled with noise, hurry and crowds. It was ironic, but yet I knew it was profoundly purposeful. God's trying to tell me....slow the heck down..

Ultimately, there was two things Christ revealed to me through meditation. First, I think it brought me back into the realization that He is God, He is everything, He is present, and He is on the throne. I think I can get so easily caught up in whats going on all around me, and I get so easily caught up in my feelings, desires, fears, and deadlines. To be quite honest, I have been so painfully selfish. Me focused and kind of lost in it. My mediation with God, put me back in the right state of mind. Its all about Him! I mean, isn't it He what I live for? And that realization has reminded me that He is on the throne and He is my God! My petty issues and fears mean nothing in light of the realization that He is everything and He holds my life in his hands! Fosters line is so epic, "Meditation is the one thing that can sufficiently redirect our lives so that we can deal with human life successfully" (p. 22). Bam!

Secondly, during my mediation time I kept envisioning this Cross scene. Christ was hanging on the cross, as I was pulling mine up the hill. Once I got to the top, these men were struggling to hold me down so that they could nail me to it. And as I looked up to see Christ's face, he said "Look what I've done for you". As if saying, "Now do it for others". So I swallowed hard, laded down, was nailed to the board and placed at my post. Once hanging there, I looked down to find Christ standing near my feet, and stating "Stef, you must die". He broke my legs and allowed me to die. - (yes, I know this sounds familiar in Sonshine, I'm just being reminded of it again).

This may sound terribly sad. But I think Christ was reminding me of truths once forgotten. I have been living in such a selfish way that I forgot the call on my life. Christ calls me to pick up my cross and follow him no matter how hard it is. To loose my life, and I will find it. I'm called to die to myself for the sake of others. (John 12:24 -"Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds). What have I been doing? Certainly nothing remotely close to that!

Lastly, I just wanted to add that the phrase, "loose your life" has been so big for me. Christ has been calling me to let go for a while now. I try to control life, make plans, and arrange things the way I think is best. But Christ is calling me...calling all of us to loose our lives. Loose the lives we plan and control, and we will find the lives Christ has for us. Lives that will look different, but lives that are profoundly good and right! At this point in my life I'm being reminded, that the life Christ has for me is so much better then anything I can ever construct. Why do I fight it? I'm trying to live this week by loosing my life and letting go...in the hope of finding it.

Much love,
Stef

P.S. I do not think its a coincidence that our next chapter is on Pray, in light of interviews starting!! Remember what our knees are for....

"It's a Way of Life"

"Meditation is not a single act, nor can it be completed in the way one completes the building of a chair. It is a way of life." (32)

Reading through meditation and really thinking about the inward discipline of meditation this week has constantly brought back Foster's words from the introduction constantly streaming though my head, "The disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us." (7) There is no such thing as a "single" act of meditation. Meditation is the "ability to hear God's voice and obey his word." (17) This act of "Christian meditation leads us to the inner wholeness necessary to give ourselves to God Freely." (21)

"And the wonderful thing about such an experience is that the self is quite forgotten. We are no longer worried about how we can make ourselves more at peace, for we are attending to the impartation of peace within our heart. No longer do we laboriously think up ways to act peacefully, for acts of peace spring spontaneously from within." (30)

As I sat and pondered on my own personal thoughts about meditation and what it looks like in my life, I found myself thinking alongside what this quote says quite eloquently. I automatically think, how can I meditate better? What should I do to start this process? How can I find time in my busy schedule to make time for this? My thoughts jump directly to the "doing" side of life. I attempt to meditate by working hard at it and hoping my labors with pay off. Foster's statements on "holy leisure" could almost be considered a forgein language to me. Because this concept of "holy leisure" is a constant struggle in my life (especially right now as I enter 2 weeks of finals and classes ending for the semester) but I am reminded the freedom from this discipline. Not by the hard work I imagine necessary to experience my own personal sanctuary, walking the walk and talking the talk with God. But that "the disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us[me]." (7)

Good luck finding a God who can move and shake like this!!!!

Those were the words spoken to me out of my time on Friday in meditation! Yes they echo the words from a character out of the movie wedding singer but as foster writes, "he speaks our language!" Friday's task in the office was CONTRACTS!! Writing, adjusting, sending, and mailing! Throughout the whole day process I attempted to meditate on the bigness of God! How big He is. I know it sounds funny but it was really exhausting mentally. I thought about every church I was writing a contract for, every person I. That church, every youth leader, every potential camper and so on and so! Our God knows everyone of those people INTIMATELY! To quote Sean and Gus...."WHAT????"
I tried to be quiet, contemplative, listening, focused to hearing Him and really all I heard was, "Good luck finding a God who can move and shake like this!!!!!!"

God revealed to me 2 things.
1. I have a bent to search out other Gods in my life that will bring about instant gratification! Why? Because I don't want to trust THE ONE TRUE GOD.

2. There is nobody and nothing like the living God!

Blessed path of meditation!

Reid

Stop! Collaborate and LISTEN!

"Noise, hurry and crowds." (p. 15)

A pretty accurate description of the "life" I choose to consume myself with on a regular basis.

I don't often practice meditation because I often don't want to hear what God telling me.

"Often meditation will yield insights that are deeply practical, almost mundane." (p. 22)

During my time in meditation this week, I clearly heard God affirming lessons I know He has been teaching me all semester. Normally, I try to drown out these hard-to-swallow lessons through "noise, hurry, and crowds." Meditation, however, forced me out of those vices and into a posture of attentiveness to His voice. Like in Chapter 1, "the path does not produce the change; it only places us where the change can occur." (p. 8) This week's mediation put me where He could change me.

Out of this change, I found the following to be true as well. "Meditation sends us into our ordinary world with greater perspective and balance." (p. 22)

My ever-present Teacher is always teaching me. Stop and Listen. Hear the voice and open the door. Meditate.

-Mike

Boldly enter the presence of God

No matter how many times I have read this book, this chapter speaks profoundly to my walk with Christ, no matter where I am at. It does not matter if I Christ feels a million miles away or if I know He is right next to me, this chapter is the reminder of my movement towards Christ in our relationship. This chapter also brings me back to the question asked during the trainee float, where Jesus asks me, "Steph - how close will you all me to come to you?" Specifically, on page 24 where Foster says,
" That is why meditation is so threatening to us. It boldly calls us to enter into the living presence of God for ourselves. It tells us that God is speaking in the continuous present and wants to address us...All who acknowledge Jesus CHrist as Lord are the universal priesthood of God and as such can enter the Holy of Holies and converse with the living God."

God wants to address us, He wants that time with us, I love that reminder of this chapter, that in my meditation, I am able to not only meet with the living God but he is wanting to address me! That there is nothing I need to do but come to him, and no one he is expecting me to be but me, what freedom that is for me.

It becomes very easy to get into the routine of life and to get going on a busy day and miss out on this intimate time with Christ and to miss out hearing from the living God, I love on page 26 (which I swear Foster must have watched me and wrote this!)
" We must come to see, therefore, how central our whole day is in preparing us for the specific times of meditation. If we are constantly being swept off our feet with frantic activity, we will be unable to be attentive at the moment of inward silence"

The great reminder for the that my time in meditation is only as good as my listening in that time. As I spend time with the living God I also need to be listening to the living God.

Loves Like a Hurricane

I'm pretty sure the crazy wind that's blowing through Davis right now has been all over most of California in the past couple of days. I'm not sure if it's affected you guys, but I've heard there's been some pretty serious damage even down in L.A., and it's definitely crazy here.

So then yesterday, when I went to find a place to practice meditation, I went to one of my favorite places in Davis, which is the top of a parking structure on campus (and since Davis is so flat, it's essentially the tallest thing around for miles and miles).

When I first got there, the wind had died down a bit - still clearly present, but less forceful. So I sat and looked out for a little bit, and thought on the scripture that had been on my mind since my quiet time earlier that morning was Psalm 116:7 - "Be at peace, O my soul, for YHWH has dealt benevolently with you."

I'm here, Abba. I'm listening. 

The wind fit in so well with my meditation on that verse. It was peaceful and calming and felt so intimate, in the sense that it was just "us" up there - me and the wind - and it was everywhere.  I couldn't help but think of Foster's encouragement that "... the aim is to bring this reality into all of life. It is a portable sanctuary that is brought into all we are and do" (20) - the tabernacle of God is among men!

But then the wind started to pick up again. And it was windy. It even occurred to me at one point that I maybe shouldn't be sitting on a ledge six stories up, because I wasn't sure whether I was going to get blown off. And then all I could think of was two things: (1) "Please understand me: I am not speaking of some mushy, giddy, buddy-buddy relationship. All such sentimentality only betrays how little we know, how distant we are from the Lord high and lifted up who is reveal in Scripture" (19), and (2) Loves like a hurricane, I am some tiny little person getting swept away by the wind. 


But then in light of all that, the reality of my same little verse settled in even deeper: "Be at peace, O my soul, for YHWH has dealt benevolently with you."

And then these two lines were on my mind:

"The history of religion is the story of an almost desperate scramble to have a king, a mediator, a priest, a pastor, a go-between. In this way we do not need to go to God ourselves. Such an approach saves us from the need to change, for to be in the presence of God is to change" (24).

"And the wonderful thing about such an experience is that the self is quite forgotten. We are no longer worried about how we can make ourselves more at peace, for we are attending to the impartation of peace within our heats. No longer do we laboriously think up ways to act peacefully, for acts of peace spring spontaneously from within" (30).

I love that our God is SO intimate, all-present, searching, but that He is also SO strong, powerful, mighty. And the miracle of it all is that this God has dealt benevolently with me, and I can find peace in that by being freed from having to think about me. "We are no longer worried about how we can make ourselves more at peace..." because we are no longer worried about ourselves at all. When we're focused on the fullness of His intimacy and at the same time the fullness of His power, how could we not?

Now I'm obviously terrible at actually maintaining this mindset 90% of the time, but God is good, and grace is free! I'm looking forward to hearing about all of your experiences with meditation!