Many Thoughts

Wow! What a great God! There are so many thoughts floating around my head, and we are only on Chapter 1!

So much of this first chapter goes back to the issue of identity. The big question comes up again and again...Who am I? According to Oprah, your twenties are a time of finding out who you are (making mistakes in college, stretching your wings, sewing the wild oats etc.), and by your thirties, you have learned from your mistakes, gotten those wild days out of your system, and then "voila" you know who you are. Well, phooey. I think I am still finding out who I am in some ways, and, in others, I know exactly who I am. I am still surprised at what I am capable of....gossip, jealousy, impatience, bitterness, being unforgiving, a serpent tongue. In those other ways, however, I am taken back to the "I Am Statements" we have studied. Who am I? I am a child of God, redeemed from the enemy, forgiven, sanctified, created for good works..." Yes, I know exactly who I am.

• "The greatest problems of our time are not technological, for these we handle fairly well. They are not even political or economic, because the difficulties in these areas, glaring as they may be, are largely derivative. The greatest problems are moral and spiritual, and unless we can make some progress in these realms, we may not even survive." (Forward xi)

As the political debates and interviews have been on t.v. the past few weeks, I find myself being quite confused as to who to believe. What is really true? Who is really true? I want to shout out, "Aren't there a few good men/women out there?" The problem, as Foster points out, is not a political one, but a moral and spiritual one. It is who we are that determines what kind of leader, teacher, student, business person, coach, etc. we will be. Oh, how our lives need to be cultivated by the Spirit!

• "We need not be well advanced in matters of theology to practice the Disciplines...The primary requirement is a longing after God." (p.2) Psalm 42:7 "Deep calls to deep."

When I read this sentence and verse, St. Teresa of Avila's words came to me: "Oh God, I don’t love you, I don’t even want to love you, but I want to want to love you!" That is my cry. Lord, I want to want to love you!

• "The life that is pleasing to God is not a series of religious duties. We have only one thing to do, namely, to experience a life of relationship and intimacy with God." (p. 4)

A few weeks ago, Steve, Reid and I were talking about identity and how we, as Christians, can split and fragment grace by "performing" at church and in our Christian lives, instead of just "being". Reid called this, "A Dichotomy of the Grace Paradox". There are times when I wrap up my Christian identity in what I do at church/ministry, with who I am. "I am a Young Adults leader." "I am an usher." "I give the announcements." NO! I am healed by His stripes, daily overcoming evil, an imitator of Jesus.

• "Willpower will never succeed in dealing with the deeply ingrained habits of sin." (p. 5)

There is no way we can "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps" save ourselves, and make ourselves not sin. Sure, we can flee (as Joseph fled from Potiphar's wife) and put ourselves in situations where we won't be tempted, but to rid ourselves of this internal structure by sheer willpower and determination? Impossible. Only God can transform us. Dear Lord, let us provide the right conditions for you to grow the grain! Sow us to the Spirit and get us into the ground.

• "We do no more than receive the gift, yet we know the changes are real. We know they are real because we discover that the spirit of compassion we once found so hard to exhibit is now easy." (p.8)

I remember in the late 90s a few Sonshine staff were in a car making our way back to the docks (we may have even been on DeVries Rd.) and Steve gave a great analogy about growing and (eventually) seeing changes in our journey with Christ. When I read the above passage from the book, it came back to me. I hope it is ok that I am sharing this, Steve! You told us about how you once played an opponent in tennis and the score was very close. Your opponent ended up winning and you both parted ways. For months, you practiced but you felt like you were not getting any better. It was the same old serves, the same old jumps, the same swings. You felt like you were just...."stuck". That is, until you competed against that same opponent months later. You wiped the floor with him! It turns out that while you were practicing those "same old serves" and "same old swings," you were getting better, you were growing.

Although the Foster quote talks about us receiving the gift, we do (as mentioned before) have the ability to provide the right conditions for God to grow the grain. What once we may have found hard to exhibit at one point, is now easy.

Holy Father...in this moment, quiet my heart. Help me to look beyond my own poor attempts at righteousness...to understand the beauty of your holy humility...as you come to walk with me...to live in me. Amen!