The reading on confession really convicted me this week. I'll admit that I really haven't made a regular practice out of confession over the years. There have definitely been isolated instances, and I have experienced the freedom that results from that discipline, but my pride has kept me from making a habit out of it.
And so this paragraph resonated deeply with me:
"We have prayed, even begged, for forgiveness, and though we hope we have been forgiven, we sense no release. We doubt our forgiveness and despair at our confession. We fear that perhaps we have made confession only to ourselves and not to God. The haunting sorrows and hurts of the past have not been healed. We try to convince ourselves that God forgives only the sin; he does not heal the memory. But deep within our being we know there must be something more. People have told us to take our forgiveness by faith and not to call God a liar. Not wanting to call God a liar, we do our best to take it by faith. But because misery and bitterness remain in our lives, we again despair. Eventually we begin to believe either that forgiveness is only a ticket to heaven and not meant to affect our lives now, or else that we are not worthy of the forgiving grace of God." (p. 147)
But, because I'm living in the reality of that paragraph, I didn't find much hope or assurance from reading it except to know that I'm not alone in that struggle. Other than that, forgiveness still just feels incomplete and unreal.
So when I got to the part about making confession 'too complicated', I almost wanted to cry when I read this:
"Remember the heart of the Father; he is like a shepherd who will risk anything to find that one lost sheep. We do not have to make God willing to forgive. [...] Confession begins in sorrow, but it ends in joy." (p. 153)
I only just finished reading so I haven't "practiced" confession yet, but I know exactly what I need to do, and who I need to talk to, and I'm hoping I'll have the opportunity to do so soon (maybe even tonight). If you felt like holding me accountable to that one, I wouldn't mind it.
Looking forward to hearing from you all soon, and to SEEING you soon too! :)
Pearl, this has been my journey over the past couple of months, really grabbing a hold of the forgiveness that God has given to me and continuously gives to me! So know that I am praying for you in this and that you are not on that journey alone, thanks for your vulnerability Pearl.
ReplyDeleteThanks pearl for your post. I will take your invitation of accountability! 24 hours? Let me know!
ReplyDeleteConversation done, confession made. Thanks friends.
ReplyDelete