"Asceticism and simplicity are mutually incompatible. Occasional superficial similarities in practice must never obscure the radical difference between the two. Asceticism renounces possessions. Simplicity sets possessions in proper perspective. Asceticism finds no place for a 'land flowing with mil and honey.' Simplicity rejoices in this gracious provision from the hand of God. Asceticism finds contentment only when it is abased. Simplicity knows contentment in both abasement and abounding." (p. 84)
I was first struck by this quote. I find that line between hollow, outward asceticism and hollow self-indulgence so hard to walk. I don't know how to celebrate in genuine simplicity without feeling like I have to masochistically beat myself down.
So naturally, the freedom that Foster talks about in that happy medium is equally hard for me to find. Jesus' command of "Do not be anxious," seems so amazingly far away. Abba, I need You to pry my fingers open to help me relinquish the control I feel I need to cling onto.
The next part that really hit me was this:
"Remember, an addiction, by its very nature, is something that is beyond your control. Resolves of the will alone are useless in defeating a true addiction. You cannot just decide to be free of it. But you can decide to open this corner of your life to the forgiving grace and healing power of God. You can decide to allow loving friends who know the ways of prayer to stand with you. You can decide to live simply one day at a time in quiet dependence upon God's intervention." (p. 91)
This almost made me laugh out loud, because I think one of the things I'm addicted to IS control itself. Oh boy - I'm really going to need your help on this one, Jesus. The more I try to self-talk myself into relinquishing control of my life ('Ok, Pearl. Just let it go, it's ok. Trust, trust, trust!') the deeper I dig myself into a hole.
Abba, I'm truly helpless. Please, would YOU take control back from my hands (as if You ever really lost it anyway). Would You bring peace in my heart, and would You grant me the simple-mindedness to seek first Your kingdom.
Pearl, thank you for your post. You're honesty about the wrestling match with the God man reveals the truth is shaking you, prying you, emptying you. What I'm trying to say is that you can't have honesty without a revelation of truth and your post expresses both honesty and truth. Your words stirred in me this writing from last years Ultra Packet Devotional Guide - "“We know that we all possess knowledge, knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” Thoughts that direct us to the tree of life (the cross) lead us to submission to Christ. Thoughts that direct us to the tree of knowledge lead us to selfish ambition, pride and ultimately self-destruction. To be built up in love is to be crucified with Christ. The process is always more anguishing than expected but the resulting beauty of a life transformed is beyond imagination." Thanks again Pearl.
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